Left to right: Best man Mark, Jill, Terry and myself. Photo copyright Pat GoetzingerI was Jill and Terry's matron of honor at their wedding on June 13th 1998. This past Monday, July 18th 2011, I attended his memorial and watched my best friend since the third grade greet people for almost four hours straight who had come to express their condolences. It was heart-breaking, but she managed to greet everyone with a smile and a hug while listening to the story they wished to impart to her. Knowing the entire story of his illness, I was amazed that Jill could still function enough to make sure that she greeted everyone and visited with them after the receiving line finally ended. Terry struggled for over two years with kidney cancer and Jill was his caretaker throughout the entire struggle. She had some help with Hospice a few weeks at the end, and Terry passed away at his home with Jill by his side.
Terry was a very popular person, especially in the Milwaukee music scene. He co-founded the band Those XCleavers in the 1980's and recorded a few records and had several hits that had national play. I know this because I helped Jill sort through the multitudes of news articles and band posters four days before he died. She was stressed about getting the scrapbooks in order for the "party" as she called it, and with mine and Natalie's help we got it done. We had five three ring binders filled with all of the band stuff from not only XClevers and a few others, but also his reggae bands Road Damage, Kojo, and his last band King Solomon. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel did a wonderful article and obituary for him and here are the links:
I knew Terry from a different point of view than most of his friends and fans. As Jill's friend, I knew him without the popularity attached to him. My husband Scott would often help Jill with her computer woes, and I would usually be in their living room watching tv and working on a quilt or beading project. If Terry didn't have a gig or band practice that night, he would plunk down beside me on the couch and we'd find something to watch. He often asked about the project I was working on, and even though I knew he may not have been interested in it, he would pay attention through my entire story and often asked questions about the project. On one occasion I was binding a quilt. He and I were watching tv and eventually we both fell asleep under the quilt. Hey, it was late at night, we'd both worked our day jobs (he was a VP at Educator's Credit Union) and it was a really warm quilt in the middle of winter. It was hilarious to all of us when Jill and Scott walked into the room and Terry and I were sacked out under the quilt.
One of many quilting nights at Jill and Terry's. The quilt I made for them for their wedding is behind our heads (backing material).
On a different evening, I got a detailed lesson on how to care for and repair an electric guitar. I am by no means an expert or even knowledgeable about guitars, but I do know the name Fender Stratocaster. Terry's was a red and white one that had seen many, many performances and he fixed the base area where the strings are attached on the guitar body with, of all things, the spring from a ball point clickey pen. Once he showed me all the parts, how they worked together, and cleaned everything I was privy to a personal concert of several of his songs.
To know a popular or famous person not for what they are known for, but because they are a good friend's spouse is a unique point of view that I never really realized until his memorial. There were several hundred people who showed up, and was certainly the biggest funeral or memorial I've ever been too. Jill had several monitors up and running that were showing his various band's videos, concerts, and gigs. She also had a few of them showing pictures of friends and family and the "normal" pictures everyone acquires in a lifetime. Family, friends, vacations, wedding, and candid pics. Scott and I were included in those photos and it was an odd reaction to see the people next to me, then turn and look at me and ask how I knew him and Jill when they never saw me at gigs or other "Milwaukee" events. I had gone to several of them, but schedules and distance made attending gigs somewhat difficult. Hence, other than the close friend and parent circle no one knew Scott or I, but we were elevated to the inner circle.
Terry was also a story-teller. He had plethora of stories that were incredible and entertaining. As I have that same tendency to "collect" stories, I loved listening to him relate an episode that was sure to have a really good ending. Because of who he was, he had many of them, and like all musicians, they are really good stories. So, thanks Terry, for the memories and the stories, I will never be able to look at another electric guitar without thinking of pen springs and the amp you made from a red plastic gas can. That was a very good story too.
