I am taking a grant writing class this semester, and with only four weeks left, I have to confess that I will be glad when the class is done. But, I'm also sad that I didn't enjoy it more and that the thoughts I had of turning this into a second career are rapidly evaporating. This was my back up plan and the course I am taking to finish off my degree. What happens now? I know grant writing is a small portion of professional writing, but what concerns me is something the teacher for this class wrote in a comment to me. She said that I need to stop using my "voice" and just write in plain, every-day language. That I had an awkward, stuffy, intellectual, and off-putting style that wasn't very good, at least for grant writing (I hope). This teacher is someone I would handle very carefully. She seems nice while she talks with you, but then turns vicious in her written comments and uses styles she has told us that are unprofessional. She made a comment on my paper in all capital letters that wasn't really needed. A normal comment would have sufficed. And, it was for something that is a minor detail. Not a big, in-your-face glaring error that would have had the funder so horrified that they would have black listed my name forever and burned the proposal in terror.
Writing is something that I've come to enjoy, and when I come across a teacher like this, it shatters the fragile confidence that I have and really makes me wonder why I'm choosing this as a major and something I would like to use as a second career. I've already given up on becoming a Librarian, and now I'm considering giving up on writing. What's left? I could switch tracks in my major, but that will take me longer to finish. I'm ready to be done with school now and the thought of taking more semesters seems to daunting to me. I really think that it would be easier if sometimes in life we had an owner's manual that would tell us what we want to do.
I needed to write a blog because I've hit a point in the grant narrative where I can't come up with anything to say. Writer's block, I guess. This style of writing is so different from essay writing that I've not been able to come up with something good and put it down on paper. I understand now what folks are talking about when they say they hate writing papers and can never figure out what to say. My other problem with this teacher is that she doesn't teach so I'm not exactly sure what she wants in this narrative. She tosses out some information but doesn't teach. We have an outdated textbook, a cutsey hint book from her, and what information she deems fit to put on D2L. She doesn't explain very well, doesn't show examples that are good, and doesn't give good answers to questions. At one point in the semester, she told us that she puts up "models" not samples and admitted that they are not necessarily GOOD models. It was up to us to figure out which were good and which were bad. She never EXPLAINED that until she was yelling at us about putting tax id numbers on the assignment because all of her models had those listed on them. She talked to us like we were idiots for following the examples SHE listed on the learning site. I could go on for so many more examples of her behavior, but I won't. It's boring and makes me irritated. I expect from teachers solid and consistent work that helps me achieve the goals of the class. Not bipolar manic expressions of craziness that make me doubt every single word I put down. I am paying way too much money for her to be like this. I am continually amazed at how in school we put up with behavior and shoddy services that in real life we'd never allow to happen.
This just makes me appreciate the good teachers even more. And, I guess that's what I have to keep reminding myself of. I've had more good teachers than bad, but the bad ones have been really bad. And again, paying tuition makes this even more irritating.
I like my Eng Lit teacher. He makes a dry subject interesting and has his stuff together. There's none of the crap in his class that is going on with my grant writing class. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll have him again as almost all of the classes I need are major related. And, this is my last required Lit class. I am taking another Lit class this summer, but he's not teaching it. I also need 6 credits of upper L&S credits after the summer semester, so I need to find something that is going to be fun and interesting. But, I won't take those until the last semester.
Well, I don't seem to have writer's block for this blog. I guess it is just for her class. I'm at the point where I just want to submit whatever crap I have down because I know that she will trash this draft. I'm getting to the point of not caring which is not good at all. I need to find my motivation and realize that my best will not be good enough for her no matter what. She is incapable of judging fairly and I really think that although she may be a good grant writer, she really shouldn't be a teacher. She doesn't have the ability to explain very well and that is crucial to teaching. Combined with her condescending attitude towards her students and smug, self-centered attitude about her skills makes her a shining example of what happens when someone thinks they can teach just by presence instead of by words.
