Expectations and disappointments

Yesterday, I went to Sheboygan to drop off the volunteer poster I had made in Eng 439 to my Eng 449 internship's Director.  I'm not going to name the place, but anyone who knows me will know the placement I'm talking about.  This semester, I was signed up to do a one credit placement, which is about five hours or less per week.  He was happy with the poster, and delighted to have something for recruitment fairs.  In the course of talking with him, however, this sentence came from him:  "yeah, she didn't really work out, either."  The context of the sentence is this.  I had asked him if he would be interested in keeping me on for the summer, at a two credit level.  That would have been five to 10 hours a week.  He declined, saying he wasn't sure he had enough work, and that he wasn't sure he'd take on another intern.  I asked about a project that he had wanted written at the beginning of the semester, and he stated that the other intern working on the research found some good research, but not enough for the study.  Then, he made that comment.

I asked him what he meant by that, the word "either."  He looked a bit shocked that I had picked up on that, and he said that he thought if he ever did this again, he'd make sure the intern came to the office once a week to "rub shoulders."  Now, I offered to the point of almost being obnoxious about meeting once a week at the beginning just because of this very situation.  He INSISTED that we didn't need to do that, this could all be done online, and that there was no need for me to come up to Sheboygan once a week.  I told him repeatedly that I didn't mind doing that, it was part of the class, and I usually run to Sheboygan for errands anyway.  But, nope, he said it wasn't necessary.

Well, apparently I am a disappointment.  This is what I did in the way of projects:  I wrote a goal and background statement for an Economic Impact Study.  I combined, revised, reformatted, and made a table of contents for their Employee Handbook.  I made two, large-format posters (22"x28") on recruitment, and I wrote the rough drafts of two grants.  For the last project for them I will design two flyers, a postcard sized hand-out, and a door hanger for advertisement of their retail store.  Through this whole semester, never did they say, "we want more, or we want it this way..."  I had to pester them at times for things to do, and did most of the suggestions when they weren't sure what they needed done.  But, I'm the disappointment.

His disappointment with the other intern (English is not her first language, so research was almost non-existent) is spilling over to me.  I'm irritated at that because I worked my ass off this semester to include this internship in with my other two classes.  I'm not used to being a disappointment to people because if I'm going to agree to something, I give it my all.  I don't do stuff "half-way".  If I don't want to do something, I will tell you.  Now I know it could be said I didn't want to do the internship or document design, but in knowing I need these classes for graduation, I still gave both of them my full commitment, attention, and my "best."  But, that makes me a disappointment.  I'm not sure why he didn't have the guts to change the assignments and have me do the research.  I'm guessing that if one of your interns is not doing what they are supposed to do, there needs to be a change. 

So, I'm looking for placement for the summer.  That will be two credits, and I need to find a place that will let me do a few hours after work for a couple of days per week, or one day on the weekend.  Anyone need an English intern?

KMG-365

When I was a kid in the 70’s, my favorite TV show was Emergency.  Every Saturday night, I’d settle in with my parents and for the next hour be transfixed by the fire department, and more importantly, the hospital.  It was then that I realized I wanted to work in a hospital.  I didn’t know what, I assumed nursing, because who wouldn’t want to be Dixie?  She was bossing those doctors around like nobody’s business.  For some reason, I didn’t dream about being a paramedic.  I just wanted to be in the hospital. 

Fast forward many years and here I am.  Working in a hospital.  Even though my path ended up being in pharmacy, and not nursing, I’m not sad by that.  I was originally accepted at UW Madison for the nursing program, but events beyond my control steered me in a path more local than distant.  I went to UW Washington County, and we all know how that turned out.  Looking back on it now, I’m glad I didn’t become a nurse.  I have grown more squeamish over vomiting and cutting into the body.  I’m ok with blood, that doesn’t bother me in the least.  So in a way, there was a reason why I didn’t pursue the nursing path.  I’m very happy with the pharmacy path, and if I do have a regret, it’s that I didn’t become a pharmacist.  I enjoy being a pharmacy technician and I especially like to compound medications.  I love it.  Like people love cooking.   If I was a pharmacist, I wouldn’t really do that type of work.  I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve found what I want to do and I’m already doing it.

I have been able to watch some reruns of Emergency in the past few months, and as an adult, I realize this was quite the breakthrough show for the 1970’s.  It dealt with drug use, domestic abuse, inter-racial relations, the importance of learning CPR, and the premise of the show, paramedics in the field.  There were only a handful of paramedics across the country when this show premiered and ran for several years.  It single-handedly brought to the forefront the importance and dire need for early intervention in emergency medical care.  It’s also neat, and a little sad to see, all the businesses that have either gone by the wayside, closed, or merged into other companies.  And the vehicles.  It’s definitely a walk down memory lane.  But one thing that hasn’t changed and is still universal:  coffee. 

As I walked to the coffee maker this morning at 6:20am, this thought popped into my head.  They were always getting a cup of coffee on that show.  Everyone.  They even had a pot at the nurse’s station that Johnny and Roy were always getting a cup, taking one sip, and then getting a call.  They dropped those cups down and took off.  We never see who cleans up after them, but I’m guessing it wasn’t Dixie.  Same with the doctors.  One sip, and off they go.  There was even a brief segment in which Dr. Early comments to Dr. Brackett that over the course of the day, he figures he gets one full cup of coffee in multiple sips.  A new cup each time.  Who is doing the dishes?

It is said that a business runs on its people.  If that’s true, then the people run on coffee.  Or maybe caffeine in general.  All I know is that without my two cups in the morning, it’s a pretty miserable start.  On my days off, or when I’m not at work I don’t really need it, but then again I don’t get up at 4am on my days off.  Yeah, no one told me that working in a hospital means there is no concept of time.  I think in military time, not “real people” time, and there are no holidays or weekends.  And even though I have spent the last several years in college, I now know that I probably won’t pursue a job in writing.  I will stay in pharmacy, probably where I’m at now, and be happy that I finished college, and happy that I have a job I enjoy and actually kind of like.  Not the billing part, no, but the pharmacy part.  I can see myself going back to the in-house department full-time if the combo job I’m currently doing changes. 

I’m not sure there are that many people that can say that, and I’ve even had a few say to me that I probably could have figured that out without going to college.  Somehow the equating of college with a job instead of personal knowledge and satisfaction in accomplishing something is not “worthy” to these people.  They are also the ones that seek no knowledge unless they have to.  They don’t learn for the sheer pleasure at learning something, anything. 

I cannot see myself in any other field than the medical field.  I know that now.  I knew this as a kid, forgot it somewhere along the line, and realized it again by watching reruns of a 70’s TV show.  In a year, I’ll be done with school, glad for it, and more secure in my place in life.  It may have taken me seven years to get through school at part-time, but I learned more than book smarts.  I learned that liking and even loving a job is just as important to learn and understand as getting an A in my classes and finishing what I start or started.  I may have been able to figure that out eventually, but I really credit going to school and facing a career change to bring the thought to the forefront of my thinking and realization before I left the medical field and realized I had made a mistake.  I belong here.  I’ve always known that and, God-willing, I will retire from here.  Just let me get a cup of coffee before I go.

Possessed ceilings and other paint questions?

I decided to paint the bedroom while on spring break this year.  I've painted the interior of my house and I'm not some newbie that doesn't have a clue.  However, after three days of dealing with my ceiling and the awful streaking, I've come to accept Kathie's explanation: "it's possessed."  WTH ceiling?  It's not like you are abused.  There's no smoking, no water stains, no kids with crayons, no holes, no real problem other than needing a fresh coat of paint.  We are also getting a new bed, which prompted the whole paint the bedroom fiasco. 

I have put TWO GALLONS of paint on a ceiling for a 12 foot by 15 foot room.  TWO GALLONS.  It's not a heavily textured ceiling, normal drywall that has been primed and painted already.  Yes, I know it is a dry time of year and I expected to use a bit more paint that normal, but TWO GALLONS??!  Today I'm going to the local home despot to buy a different brand of paint with the primer in for the ceiling.  If this doesn't work, I am going to call it an artistic choice and be done with it.  I don't know what else to do with it.

I'm scared to start the walls.  I have the no prep/no prime, primer already in the paint for the walls, but at this point, I'm ready to just live with the way they are.  Heck, we've had them this way for some time now, so why mess with success?  Heck, maybe that will be an artistic choice, too.

I had really hoped that spring break would prove a satisfying experience of getting something done without the hassle of what my life has become.  School is just unbearably frustrating and turning into such a time suckage that my home life is also starting to suffer.  I am irritated all the time and am having a hard time just relaxing.  I have lost the "I want to be in school and learn things" feeling that even at my worst in Spanish class I never lost.  I still, at the bottom of my heart, knew I wanted to be there.  But this?  Deep, deep breath.  I'm so close to being done.  I just have to find something to focus on, hunker down, and hope I  make it through this with my family, friends, and dignity intact. 

I had thought that a successful home project would restore me to a happier level.  At least I hope the new mattress will because my back is killing me from the old one.  There are eight weeks left in this semester.  Eight weeks.  Eight weeks.  Deep breath, and I can get through this.  I am tired of having to say that, though.  It seems like I've been saying that a lot.  And, on top of all of this, is that is could be worse.  Deep breath.  Deep breath. 

Mac and me

I have a new boyfriend and his name is Mac. I see him every Tuesday night, and it is definitely a hate/hate relationship. I’m taking Eng 439 Document Design this semester because it is a required course. Believe me, I would not have chosen to take this class. I was quite happy in my sheltered world of MS Word where I didn’t have think about things like picas, kerning, leading, and InDesign. That’s the program that we are dealing with on the mac. Here’s my problem. I have never used a mac before, I don’t own ANYTHING from Apple, nor do I plan on owning anything from Apple, and I never, and still don’t, know what the hell InDesign is.

I have just found my UWM Spanish equivalent.

I’m not a graphic design person. Despite my hobbies, I’m not creative in that take a blank piece of canvas and create something. What I make is something that has already been designed and then presented for manufacture with a nice set of complete directions. I don’t want to think about how to adjust the kerning between the letters. I really don’t care as long as it is legible. And, hey, more power to the people that care. If it weren’t for them, we’d have directions written in wing dings. Or comic sans. I learned last night that comic sans is the bane of the font world. I kinda like comic sans, but that’s another story.

As I realized last week and then this week, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing on a mac. Everything is different. I had to ask the person next to me last night how to cut and paste. An action I can do in my sleep on a PC. There’s no “back” button. I really don’t know how to do that yet. There is no obvious way to see what is hidden behind my active window. And, most frustratingly of all, the touchpad on the mac doesn’t tap like the PC touchpad. You have to use the button on the touch pad. I’m pounding the living daylights out of the touch pad thinking I have a defective machine, and Josette, the girl who was sitting next to me, gently grabbed my hand and said, “use the button.” She has a mac of her own, so she was sailing through the assignment and I couldn’t even get the program open. Which brings me to InDesign.

Last semester, I took Eng 435 Professional/Technical writing. In that class, we had to make flyers using InDesign. See my previous blog rants about that… Anyway, I didn’t realize we were going to use that program for Document Design. If I had known that, I would have made an effort to 1 – familiarize myself with a mac, and 2 – familiarize myself with InDesign. Now, I realize that younglings would not do such a thing, but this old dog would. Just because I’m slower than them, probably not as tech savvy, and no where NEAR as flexible in learning as them. I am not the only one who has no experience with mac and InDesign in this class, yet when I look around, they are buzzing through the lesson without care.

At one point last night, I recognized my old feelings of panic and anger rising up again that I haven’t had since Spanish class. Will this never leave me now? I stopped what I was trying to do (open a document), took my glasses off, put my face in my hands, and breathed deeply for a minute. I managed to not burst into tears and go running out of the room. Mike, the guy next to me leaned over and asked if I was ok. I said yes, it was just a bit overwhelming and then the next thing I know, the teacher is kneeling next to me asking what’s up. So, I told him. That I had never used a mac before, that I’m woefully ignorant of anything called InDesign, and that I’m in over my head and I know it. And, once again, I’m in a situation (out of my control) where I need this class to graduate. The little voice in my head keeps saying, “but college isn’t about panic and anxiety, it should be about learning and wanting to learn. Not being frustrated into a public meltdown…” Yeah, something like that. The little voice in my head can be incredibly naïve. The teacher said that he didn’t care for macs either and I had already noticed and eye up enviously his Dell PC that he was working from. My little net book is not powerful enough to run InDesign, so no, that’s not going to happen. Nor am I going to buy a new laptop just for this class. However, Adobe does have a student version of InDesign that I can “rent” for $20 bucks a month, so I can at least work on stuff from home. I had imagined just moving in to the UWM library and using the macs there.

So he tells me to hang in there, that it will get better, that what I have completed on the assignment is good, and blah, blah, blah. Excuse me if I’m a little gun-shy of that line of talk. I still have fresh, searing memories of Spanish class and low self-confidence, and I’ve already come to the realization that this is very much like learning a foreign language. It is its own language and has its own rules. And while I did ok in Spanish class, the toll it took on me was exacting and more than it should have been. I was lucky I had an understanding and great teacher, otherwise I'm not sure what would have happened. I hope the same holds true for Eng 439.

14 weeks to go. Is bad that I’m already counting the weeks? Maybe I will take Skippy up on his offer of a “fun and easy A” class, yet.

Yet another end of the semester..

Fall 2013 semester is done and I have to admit that it was a bit of a grueling one.  I hadn't expected the classes I took to be as draining as they were.  One class I liked a lot, and I wish they had a second offering, but they don't.  The teacher was a refreshing mix of old school style and no hold's barred honesty.  I found it annoying she didn't use email or D2L for assignments, but she definitely knew her trade and was equally eager to make sure we understood as her students what to expect in the "real world".  For example, my informational article was cut a grade because I was roughly 500 words over the limit.  "In the 'real world'", she said, "your article would not have even been read."  So I revised it (cut 550 words) and am currently waiting for my final grade.  I loved her policy of letting us rewrite our papers once for a better grade.  Unlike a certain English 250 teacher I had at UW-Sheboygan, there will be no surprises and bogus explanations because we get a chance to fix our papers. 

My other UWM class was a frustrating experience.  I liked the teacher personally, but I really have a problem with her teaching style.  Keeping in mind this is a 400 level class and the kids in this class want to be here, I am appalled at the course load.  The main question asked in most classes was "what do you want to do today?"  She is really bad at getting grades back to us, and what syllabus there was, was forgotten at the beginning of October.  She made us buy three textbooks, of which we didn't even crack open TWO of them, and the third we read maybe ONE chapter.  She volunteered us for graphic design in making new flyers for UWM's English dept's various study tracks.  I understand giving us the wording to work out, but the graphic design?  Really?  Doesn't UWM have an Art dept that would have EXCELLED at that?  My gripe is that she required us to use Adobe's VERY EXPENSIVE In Design program.  Her flippant answer to me was, "In the real world, you will have to do stuff on programs you are unfamiliar with all the time."  My answer back to her was, "I am in the 'real world' and when my employer gives me new programs to work with, I GET TRAINING TO GO WITH THAT."  And, this program is incredibly expensive so I'm not buying it to use at home.  Which means I have to use it at school and I don't have time for that.  Luckily, I think what I said to her sunk in a bit and we broke into groups with one person able to use the program (on Macs, no less) for design and the rest of the group broke the responsibilities up to get the flyer done.  We had to do two of these flyers. 

So whatever we were supposed to learn was left to go by the wayside because we used class time to finish the flyers from the end of October to the end of the semester.  And, yes, I am waiting for grades on the flyers and my "employment projects".  We had to make a resume and cover letter for a job we want to apply for.  That was useful, but is it really a 400 level activity?  I'm not sure...

I start my internship on January 6th.  I think it will be ok, it is for one credit which means around 4 to 5 hours a week.  Then, next summer I will have a two credit internship for complete my graduation requirement for Eng 449.  I will be very happy when that is done.  I don't think the experience will be bad and I'm not dreading it, but something makes me wary of the time I will need to devote to it.  I don't think it should be any worse than doing homework, I think it will be the timing.  My "real world" job has morphed into absorbing yet another job.  I am now the tech for RWs and the tech who was there full-time has been pulled back to the main hospital.  Granted, the RWs tech position is not a full-time job, but I spend about five hours a day on it.  I am still doing my billing coordinator position in-between the RWs position and it will be interesting come end of the month.  2013 will go down as not one of my better work years.  I absorbed the billing for pharmacy sales and the in-house tech position for RWs as one person was let go and the other pulled back to the main hospital.  Since taking the original billing position in 1998, I have absorbed five people's different jobs.  Now, I have also brought the position into the 21st century with computerized billing and that makes a world of difference, but the fact that five people used to do what I am now doing is not lost on me.  Companies will combine positions and have been doing so for years, and I will consider it job security.  I also have to confess that I am happy to be back in actual pharmacy work.  I really don't like billing and have kept the job because I like the flexibility the schedule offers me and I like most of my coworkers.  That goes a long way in today's world, and I'm not so stupid to give that up so easily because I don't actually like the work.  I have a year and a half of school left.  Three semesters and a summer internship.  I see the light and it is getting bigger. 

I will be happy to not have to carry a back pack around, too.  I need to get a injection in my left elbow next month because of the tendinitis I occasionally get there, and it is not going away.  It's getting worse, and now my pinkie and ring finger hurt.  I'm not really sure what aggravated it, but it's been bothersome since October.  Chain mailling Christmas gifts is not helping, either.  I made seven Jen's Pind necklaces in the past three months, so I guess that might be part of the problem, too.  Two of them were silver which is a softer metal, but the other five were anodized niobium and that is a harder metal than silver.  I have my first commission for a dragonscale bracelet to be made over winter break, so I need to get cracking on that.  My right knee is still not right, either.  When I go see the doctor for my elbow, I'll have to discuss my options about my knee.  I'm pretty sure that there isn't a whole lot that can be done if it is arthritis.  If it is the torn cartilage, they can clean it out.  But, as he told me back in May, any cartilage they clean out is less cartilage left in the knee.  I also came to the conclusion that what I had carried in my mind as my mental age has now changed.  I used to feel like an early 30 something, but between my knee, elbow, and the various aches and pains that have mysteriously popped up out of nowhere, I'm really beginning to think I am old.  Well, older and mentally closer to my physical age.  And the fact that I will never be out of pain again.  There is something infinitely depressing in that thought and it also feels like a crossroads.  I also keep playing a childhood memory that is seared in my mind over and over.  When I was eight or nine, I asked my mother the following question in a snarky, eye-rolling tone that only a child can ask, "is there ever a day when you aren't in pain?"  My mother had medical issues and was having a bad day.  And in my arrogance as a pain-free child, I couldn't understand the concept of daily pain.  But her answer, brought me up short and seared this experience forever in my mind.  She simply, and sadly, said, "no."  And the thought that you would be in pain EVERY DAY was horrifying to me.  How could that possibly be?  Why can't the doctors make the pain go away?  I was climbing out of the back of her 1967 Chevy Impala (yes, this would have been about 1975 or 1976) on a bright, sunny, warm day and it changed my perception of life forever.  Daily pain and getting old.  A life lesson learned too early.

So, do I get a free knee replacement with graduation?

Dance class with jazz hands.... um, no.

This week I had a meeting with my school advisor about my future classes at UWM.  It was my first meeting with this particular advisor as I'm no longer a first year transfer student and was given a "permanent" advisor.  The College of Letters & Science is the largest school at UWM, and while there are many different interests in that school, apparently my advisor doesn't seem to think that English is a "worthy" degree.  He actually did a lip curl with a tinge of distaste in his voice when he stated (when reading from my record) that I am an English major.  I was watching his face as he was reading what was plainly evident (to me, anyway) and he was just filling time.  When I asked if there was a problem with an English major, he asked if that was what I really wanted to do.  Well, it's a little late to change now, doncha think?  Is anybody really SURE of what they want to do?  I said, "yes", and he just looked like a pile of dog crap had been placed on his desk and he was told to take care of it. 

 

I decided to let him off the hook, and started asking questions as if there was nothing wrong.  He apathetically answered them, and basically told me that whatever I wanted to do was fine.  But he was a bit insistent that I take a one credit class my last semester instead of a three credit class.  I'm in that weird spot where I need 19 credits to graduate, and 18 of them need to be L&S credits above a 300 level.  That's fine.  I have ONE credit that can be anything.  Anything.  I had planned on taking my usual 6 credits my last semester, two classes at three credits each, for a total of 122 credits total.  I need 120 to graduate.  At this point, what the hell difference does taking the two extra credits make?  I will still be at UWM the same amount of time and cost-wise, I will probably get more use out of the $836 for the two extra credits than the one credit DANCE class he wants me to take.  He seems to think I should take a "fun and easy A" class.  Deep breath.  Deep, deep, breath.  I am not at college to take "fun and easy A" classes.  Yes, parents, this is what your kids are getting advised to do.

 

The most insulting part of this meeting (besides him thinking I needed to learn how to dance) was the following statement, "that A- in grammar class is killing your GPA."  What?  Did I just hear that correctly?  I said that I would hate to be his kid and come home with an A-.  What the hell is wrong with an A-?  In an ADVANCED college level grammar class?  Deep breath.  Deep, deep, breath.  Now, if my GPA was in the 1 range, I could see that being a problem.  However, my GPA currently sits at 3.953.  That's what an A- does to "kill" one's GPA.  The A- never even entered into my realm of thinking that it was "killing" my GPA.  I am thrilled with my GPA, proud even.  And for him to say that it isn't somehow "good" enough, that an A- is "killing" my GPA is so shocking and a bit discouraging to me that I brought out my big words and let him have it.  I have written in this blog numerous times about my abysmal performance my first year of college.  I KNOW what "kills" a GPA and an A- isn't one of them.  This Skippy (yes, all the young,clueless people I meet I call  Skippy) tells me that I would have a perfect 4.0 if it hadn't been for that A-, as if I don't already know that.  Somehow I think a person with a 3.953 knows that they would have a 4.0 if they have an A instead of an A-.  And while that is a nice, neat, wrapped-up perfect number, I'm really ok with a 3.953.  I asked him how he would have done in an advanced grammar class and he looked down at his desk and admitted that he would probably have gotten a lower grade.  I then told him that if he plans on doing this same thing to the younglings of UWM, who have a very fragile self-confidence, he's going to have a mess on his hands.  Because if an A- is not good enough for him, what the hell is going to happen when he finds a C student?  I told him that maybe he would want to re-evaluate his being an advisor if he's going to knock down the A students because he's got no where to go with the B, C, and D students. 

 

After my little tirade, he suggested I find a new advisor and I told him that would probably be a good idea and asked him if he knew of one that thought an A- is an acceptable grade.  Don't piss off English majors.  They know how to use the words that hurt the most. 

 

He actually suggest I take a dance class for the one credit I need, and when I said to him, "does this body look like it dances for credit?" he did have the good manners to blush.  His next one credit suggestion was for a philosophy class, which earned an eye-roll and a sigh from me.  No, I will take an advanced writing class and get useful tutelage from that even though it is three credits and not one. 

 

I don't even know where to start on the concept of taking a "fun and easy class for an A" attitude.  These classes are assessed at the same tuition rate as the "hard" classes, so you aren't getting a reduction there.  I guess if you are trying to pad your GPA they would be a good idea.  There's chess, exercise classes, yoga, photography, billiards, cooking, hiking, biking, and all sorts of classes I would say are not really college worthy.  I'm not sure why they are "educational".  All of them can be found at a YMCA, community classes, online, thorough stores and commerce business, and other venues that are not tax-payer supported.  Where they should be.  I hear complaints from my teachers about budget cuts.  Well, I can think of a department that could be cut and that money transferred to the educational programs that are really a college level class. 

 

Maybe I look stupid and uncoordinated.  That is the only reason I can come up with in Skippy's offering of dance class for me.  Maybe he didn't really look at my transcript and GPA and thought I needed a helping hand to pad my GPA.  Maybe I look like I need to take an easy class.  Maybe he wants to take the common road heavily traveled and assumes everyone else does too.  Maybe he just doesn't care what he tells his students to take.  Maybe I'm too naive in my thinking of what college is, or should be.  Maybe the problem is with me in wanting to learn something that isn't easy (Spanish?).  Maybe I expect more as I get older.  Maybe more of us should expect more when we are younger.  Maybe Skippy realized this yesterday as I refused to agree with his ridiculous plan of dance class and jazz hands.  But probably maybe not.  I suspect this is the norm for advising and once again I am under-whelmed by UWM. 

Hissing employees

Although I'm not directly on the front lines everyday, I do work in the retail world.  My part is dealing with billing and angry customers, and problem solving for the stores.  I know and understand what good customer service is all about.  I treat my customers the exact same way I would want to be treated if our positions were reversed.  So when I went to a local bead store on this past Friday night (Nov. 1st), I was stunned at how I was treated. 

I had decided at the last minute to go to this store to interview the employees for my current school  paper, an informational article, for Eng 433 (creative nonfiction for publication).  We need four "live" sources, and I was looking for new ideas and angles to pursue.  I walked into the store around 6pm and there were two or three customers in there browsing.  There were three employees doing their work stuff and asking if customers needed any help.  I was greeted, questioned about looking for something, and then left to browse.  I wanted to shop (yes, there was an ulterior motive for going, but it was all in the name of research.  Yeah, I'll stick with that.) for a bit to see if they were swamped busy and wouldn't be able to answer my questions before I even asked.  I was not about to take them away from their customers.  After a few of the other customers left, I went to the counter and asked the two employees there if they would like to answer some questions about chain/scale maille and how its use in the jewelry and fashion world have changed and evolved.  They both said ok, but that I really wanted to talk with the other employee who is their chain maille expert.  I said that would be great and wandered over to the other side of the store to assess how busy this employee was.  She was helping a customer who had a very particular issue for around 45 mins.  This is important, because most of it was him telling her about his plans (IN A VERY LOUD VOICE SO EVERYONE COULD HEAR) and not really shopping related at all. 

After the employee was done with that customer, she went back to working on pricing and putting stuff away.  One of the other employees came over and pointed me out and said that I was looking for someone to answer a few questions about chain maille for a paper.  Employee number three said sure, and I went on to explain my class, my project, and so forth.  The whole interview took around 20 mins and I thanked her and made my way to the check-out counter (all in the name of research, of course).  While checking out, the employee asked if I found everything I needed (yes) and if I got my questions answered (yes, thank you for your help).  The other employee came over, leaned across the counter and hissed (yes, she hissed) at me, "you are NOT to use the name of the store in your article!!"  I know I blinked a few times because one, I was scared of her, and two, I couldn't understand or figure out what difference it made if I used the name of the store.  I wasn't about to get into an argument with her, so I said I wouldn't.  Plain and simple, no back-talk, sass, questions why not, or anything of the sort.  Immediate and complete agreement.  That wasn't good enough for little-miss-angry-control-freak and she hissed it at me again.  This pissed me off because one, I'm not stone deaf and I heard her the first time, and two I was dropping a considerable sum of cash and I was dumb-struck at how she was treating a PAYING CUSTOMER.  Cold, hard, cash was being exchanged while she went on this tirade. 

She went on to harangue me while she walked through the store in a very LOUD voice about how unprofessional I was in not making an appointment to interview employees or to clear this.  I'm assuming she meant clearing this with the owner of the store.  Ok, I will agree that I probably should have cleared this with the owner, but honestly it is a SCHOOL PAPER.  It won't be published.  And, if she would have handled this differently, I would have recommended this store for people to buy their stuff at.  Now, I won't.  I explained to hissy-fit employee that it was again, a SCHOOL PAPER, but she wasn't having any of it.  She was angry, aggressive, and so upset that she was doing laps in the aisles yelling at me.  The poor employee checking me out was so embarrassed that she couldn't even look me in the eye.  I left as soon as I could just to shut hissy-fit up.  She continued in that tirade as I was walking out the door. 

As I look back on the whole episode, I take the responsibility that I didn't call ahead.  But I made sure the employees were not busy, not helping other customers, and I only took 20 mins.  Mr. let-me-tell-you-my-entire-life-story-and-plans took over an hour between two employees.  I know this because I was in there for a good two hours.  So if they could help him for that long, why was my little 20 minute interview such a big deal? 

My husband offered an answer that I will use in my paper.  The angry employee does not see chain/scale maille as a viable art form.  And, when she realized that I wasn't going to interview her, she got pissed.  Even though she referred me to the third employee, she was pissed off because I didn't talk with her AND she doesn't like chain/scale maille.  And this is what I've run up against from time to time from people who don't think weaving metal rings is WORTHY of being called art, or serious jewelry or fashion.  It was right there in front of me and I didn't see it.  Maybe I should have talked to her and gotten a different point of view.  I was so taken aback by her erratic behavior that all I could do was leave.  I wanted to get out of there because she was such a b*tch to me.  And, I fumed for a good part of the one hour and five minute drive home because that is not the way you treat paying customers.  She could have POLITELY asked me to not use the name of the store, or, even better, asked for my contact information so the owner could contact me and clear everything up.  POLITELY.  Not the aggressive, angry witch that she was to me. 

So I won't use the name of the store in the paper.  However, she said NOTHING about the source list.

And that my friends, is chain maille winning.