Winning

I'm not sure why I seem to forget that sometimes people do not always represent who they truly are and will goad me into arguments. I'm also not sure why people want to argue with me either, but that's another blog. I have a coworker, who deliberately leads any conversation into some heated topic no matter what non sequiter she has to inject into the conversation. We had been chatting about sports and kids, specifically what sports we played as kids. This seems a harmless conversation, and I've come to pick what I think are harmless conversations with this person because I'm fully aware that she will direct any and all conversations into some political, religious, controversial, women's rights, PETA, environment save the world topic that just makes me want to do the exact opposite whether or not I agree with her. This morning's topic of what we played as kids started out harmless enough. I said that my group of "friends" pretty much existed as an older group of kids that were my sister's friends because there were no other kids my age group in our neighborhood. So, they were at least five years older and more than I was. You can imagine the discrepancy in coordination as far as playing any sport. Specifically, baseball and football. Anyway, the topic evolved into what a national phenomenon the "Big Sunday Game" has turned into for this country. Several years ago (1996?) when the Packers went to this game, my friend Kathie (hi Kathie!) and I went to Joann's Fabrics after work. Upon entering the store, we were told by the employee standing in the door way to make our trip quick because they were closing in 15 mins. When we asked why, she looked at us like we were idiots and simply replied, "we are closing early because of the Packers". To Kathie and I, we really didn't care all that much and thought that at least this bastion of estrogen store would be open. Nope. But, that's not the point here. My coworker, who is an atheist, turns and states, "Well, there are stores that close for a few hours on Good Friday and I see no difference in that". At which point, I stopped in my tracks with my store story and tried to connect Good Friday with sports and why she is so rude to interrupt me to get her "All religion is evil" point across to me. And yet again, I'm left with a vague sense of irritation and anger because I had somehow forgotten that she is not what she appears to be, and will do everything she can to incite an argument with me. I simply stated I wasn't about to discuss theology with her and stopped talking.

It's hard enough to go into a job every single day, in a locked room with the same person every single day, and not try to at least make the time pass in a somewhat social or pleasant way. Do I now have to keep silent because this person is so toxic that you can't even have a conversation of simple niceties without it turning into some argument in which she needs to prove she is ALWAYS right?

My mother gave me this advice repeatedly as I was growing up. Never discuss politics, religion, or sex with anyone. Now, obviously she meant people who were not your close and immediate family (and maybe sometimes them too), but in the past few years it seems to me that those are the topics that everyone wants to discuss, and if you don't want to discuss them there must be something wrong with you, AND if you don't agree with that person, you are wrong and on some inherent level you must be hiding some type of personality or character defect. Because why wouldn't you want to advertise your personal belief system to EVERYONE. I have tried to adhere to mom's advice and it has usually served me well. Once in a great while I will slip and be goaded into some kind of conversation I'm not comfortable with, but for the most part, I keep her advice constantly. This coworker seems to make it her personal mission to get me to reveal my beliefs on those very subjects, and every time she makes this transition from pleasant conversation to demanding to know about any of the above, it's like a train derailing. The conversation violently stops because I'm not willing to discuss what ever confrontational question she has demanded of me. I told her repeatly this morning that I was not about to discuss religion and theology with her, but she wouldn't stop. Finally, I said that if she couldn't at least intellectually see the difference between Good Friday and the Superbowl, she must be an idiot. And THAT was the end of the conversation. But, that's what happens when you goad me into confrontation. I will tell you exactly what I think, and in not so nice terms. Mom always told me to tell the truth and to be upfront too, but I wonder if she would have had me be as blunt as well. I learned it from her, whether she meant to teach me that or not.

I have a facebook account and I'm often stunned at the level of information that people put on their statuses. And, confrontational statements that they demand all their friends adhere and repost on their own status updates. I am coming to believe the sad fact that social media will be the device that will eventually break down all social niceties that as a society we've built up in order to interact with one another. It's not enough anymore to just let people believe privately, now we are forced to put our belief system out there for anyone and everyone to read and, most likely, dispute. And because we have now raised a generation of people who think they are always right because we wouldn't crush little Johnny or Susie's "spirit", these same people now feel they have the right to tell you why you are wrong and don't really understand that what they are doing is exactly what was trying to be avoided to begin with. Interestingly, my coworker is considerably older than me, but has embraced this attitude for whatever reason and seems to think that she can enforce her own belief system on me.

I am Christian, and I have a picture of my husband and I lighting our Congregational Unity Candle at our wedding ceremony on my desk. It's a small 5" x 7" photo in a small, wooden frame. She detests this pic, and on several occasions when I've come into work, the picture has been turned face down. As we are the only two in this locked room, I know it's her doing this. It's so unbelievably rude to me, but because I know she's doing it purely to goad me into confronting her about it, I just simply return it to its original state and begin my work day. But part of me screams at the complete lack of social manners on her part to first, leave my desk alone, and second, why if she demands I be tolerant of her atheism (which I am) that she doesn't accord the same to herself and tolerate my Christianity? It seems hypocritical to me, but for her to demand that she is right is the bigger problem in my opinion. If we plan on solving anything in this country, I think it is time that the people who think they are always right, no matter what, begin to think or even comprehend that they may not always be right. That the very fact they feel to be the "enlightened" ones, are often the very ones who are very "unenlightened" and uninformed. No one is always right. And not every solution is always right. There is a happy medium somewhere, and the key is to find that happy medium and get everyone to agree to it. But that will never work because there are so many people that no longer want the niceties or the civility that life can offer, and want nothing more than to argue, confront, deceive, bully, goad, and demand that their belief system is the "right" one. It doesn't matter the subject or problem and I fear that we have lost something essential in our world that may have led us to solutions, but that the need to be "right" all the time is now the biggest obstruction to truly and completely solving our problems. Instead the need to appease our egos no matter the cost of civility, has supplanted the actual desire to solve the problem. All that matters is "winning" the argument and point, and that, will never solve anything.