Ahhhh...

                                 

I had both of my finals on Monday, and I'm really glad I'm done for the week.  Although I looked like Frodo above by the time I got home  that night, I'm appreciative of being done with my finals and still having some time in the week to deal with being ill and Christmas.

About a week and a half ago, I started feeling draggy and tired, but chalked it up to the usual.  Full-time work, half-time school, endless studying and worrying about finals, running a household, paying the bills, and oh, yeah, I think Christmas is coming up soon...  But then I developed...the cough.  This isn't a normal cold cough where you politely expel air for a few throat or lung clearing exhalations.  Oh, no.  This is the I'm-really-trying-to-physically-bring-one-or-both-lungs-out-of-my-chest-cavity-by-heaving-from-my-toes cough.  Lest you think I'm exaggerating, my ribs are sore to the touch, and I'm buying stock in Depends undergarments (yes, I know, too, too much TMI).  Even the muscles in my head are sore from coughing.  And, it's a dry, piercing, non-productive, five minute cough that got me kicked out of the quiet study area at UWM's library.  So, while at work today, several of the nurses who work down the hallway from me came to see me.  Seems even through my closed, steel door, they could hear me down the hallway.  They are sure I have walking pneumonia, which I've heard about and working in the health care field, know about, but I didn't realize that you can feel almost "normal" but be extremely tired and have this very distinctive cough.  I just thought I was tired because I am getting on average 5 hours of sleep and had the end of the semester and finals to deal with.  What student isn't tired at this point?  Unfortunately, there is nothing to be done about this viral pneumonia and you have to let it run its course.  Great.

I powered through my finals, and thankfully did very well.  An A in math stats and an A- in grammar.  Scott thought it odd that I would do better in stats than grammar given my major, but it's because I didn't know how to diagram sentences and didn't do that well at the beginning of the semester with them.  The rest of the test was fine, but I was a bit shaky on understanding what goes where.  I finally got it toward the end of the semester, but by then I needed to bring some B+ tests up with the final.  I hate having to do it that way, but I'm glad it worked.  I'd rather have the strong grades going into the finals so that the pressure isn't as great.  As I mentioned, I had both of them on Monday and that was easily one of the longest days I've had for school.  I got to UWM at 8am and left at 8pm.  Stats was in the morning and grammar was in the evening.  But, I had time to study for grammar, so I devoted most of the weekend to stats.  Thankfully, it worked out well.

Now it's time for baking, shopping, wrapping, cleaning, decorating, and getting my house in order for the next semester.  And reading for fun.  I really miss that, and have a huge wish list on my library account.  I will have to get a few books in for the break.  So, that's it for the fall semester 2012 and it was nice not to have test hysterics involved.  One of my coworker friends told me tonight (as I was buying codeine cough syrup) "I didn't realize you were in school this semester because you never complained once!"  Nice.

Endings of things

I have never been good at good-byes.  I find them sad reminders of how time passage is swift, unforgiving, and final.  Several things have transpired in the past few months that have given me a feeling of good-byes and how life changes whether we want it to or not.  One good-bye is the closing of Hostess Company.  Mainly known for Twinkies, they also made my favorite, Susy-Q's.  I was poor growing up, and these cakes were a very rare treat and almost a delicacy for me.  While many of my friends would have Twinkies in their lunches, I was relegated to the hot lunch program because it was cheap.  There were no Twinkies in the hot lunch program back then.  But Hostess has been a part of American life style since 1930 and had employed around 18,500 people.  I'm not going to go into the whole evilness of the Baker's union, but I think they should have made an effort to settle.  Even the Teamsters told them to settle.  But I digress.  As a result, and unless someone buys the company and recipes, a long-standing American tradition is gone.  My mother in law gave me a recipe called Twinkie Torte and now that will have to be made with an imitation brand and it will not be the same.  Again, a tinge of sadness and something lost.

My husband and I were faced with the reality of how a freedom has been lost.  We had our health insurance through his work, and because of Obamacare, his company made huge and drastic changes to their 2013 plan.  Mainly, a huge price penalty if I were to stay on his insurance and had access to my employer's insurance, a tripling of premiums, a "wellness program" that had mandatory participation or suffer a financial penalty, and a reduction of coverage for certain services.  My open enrollment was closed already, so I said, "Let's just put the  money we would have used in premiums in savings and see what happens next year".  We are both healthy, have no real need to go to the doctor except for routine physicals once a year and I felt we could just wait and see.  It was a crashing reminder of how that freedom has been taken away because it is now mandatory to have insurance.  And if I hear that asinine lie of being able to keep your doctor again, I will go ballistic.  I have to change my doctor.  He's not in the high deductible plan I have to switch to.  He would be out of network.  Yeah, I can go to him, but it's a toss up if my "insurance" will cover the visit or not.  So, no, you don't get to keep your doctor.

As this semester comes to a close, I'm reminded of how you just get to know a group of people and a teacher and then you are done.  I'm not advocating for longer semesters, but it does seem like I just get comfortable in the class and it's pretty much over.  I am understanding both math stats and grammar well enough to ask good questions instead of playing the catch-up game and understanding what is being taught after it is done and over.  I usually read ahead, but that doesn't always help, especially in stats.  I must have crossed some understanding line with stats because I really am "getting" what she is teaching.  However, this is the last full week and then the final is on the 17th.  Another semester done, another group of people I probably won't see again.

Which brings me to the main point of this blog entry.  As I grow older, I find that I evaluate people as I come across them and make an almost unconscious decision as to whether or not I want to invest time and energy into creating a friendship with them.  I know it sounds a bit harsh, but, for me, a friendship and getting to know someone is a personal investment that I have a hard time with losing.  Again, as I said, good-byes are not easy for me.  And, when I find someone who really clicks with me, it is even more sad when circumstances change and we go our separate ways.  When I first started back at school I made a few friendships that this happened with and I feel bad that I've lost touch with them.  What seemed so permanent then, is gone.  Yet I'm sure this happens all the time, and in other circumstances than just school.  Work is the next common place I would think this happens because we've all made friends at work and then lost that friendship when one or the other moves on.  Not always (Hi Kathie!), but it is rare for those friendships to endure.  Promises of get-togethers quickly fade after the good-byes are said.

And sometimes, circumstances of relationships prevent any further contact than a professional level.  Even though you know you'd probably be really good friends if things were different.  That good-bye is bittersweet and sad and one I am loathe to lose.