I have never been good at good-byes. I find them sad reminders of how time passage is swift, unforgiving, and final. Several things have transpired in the past few months that have given me a feeling of good-byes and how life changes whether we want it to or not. One good-bye is the closing of Hostess Company. Mainly known for Twinkies, they also made my favorite, Susy-Q's. I was poor growing up, and these cakes were a very rare treat and almost a delicacy for me. While many of my friends would have Twinkies in their lunches, I was relegated to the hot lunch program because it was cheap. There were no Twinkies in the hot lunch program back then. But Hostess has been a part of American life style since 1930 and had employed around 18,500 people. I'm not going to go into the whole evilness of the Baker's union, but I think they should have made an effort to settle. Even the Teamsters told them to settle. But I digress. As a result, and unless someone buys the company and recipes, a long-standing American tradition is gone. My mother in law gave me a recipe called Twinkie Torte and now that will have to be made with an imitation brand and it will not be the same. Again, a tinge of sadness and something lost.
My husband and I were faced with the reality of how a freedom has been lost. We had our health insurance through his work, and because of Obamacare, his company made huge and drastic changes to their 2013 plan. Mainly, a huge price penalty if I were to stay on his insurance and had access to my employer's insurance, a tripling of premiums, a "wellness program" that had mandatory participation or suffer a financial penalty, and a reduction of coverage for certain services. My open enrollment was closed already, so I said, "Let's just put the money we would have used in premiums in savings and see what happens next year". We are both healthy, have no real need to go to the doctor except for routine physicals once a year and I felt we could just wait and see. It was a crashing reminder of how that freedom has been taken away because it is now mandatory to have insurance. And if I hear that asinine lie of being able to keep your doctor again, I will go ballistic. I have to change my doctor. He's not in the high deductible plan I have to switch to. He would be out of network. Yeah, I can go to him, but it's a toss up if my "insurance" will cover the visit or not. So, no, you don't get to keep your doctor.
As this semester comes to a close, I'm reminded of how you just get to know a group of people and a teacher and then you are done. I'm not advocating for longer semesters, but it does seem like I just get comfortable in the class and it's pretty much over. I am understanding both math stats and grammar well enough to ask good questions instead of playing the catch-up game and understanding what is being taught after it is done and over. I usually read ahead, but that doesn't always help, especially in stats. I must have crossed some understanding line with stats because I really am "getting" what she is teaching. However, this is the last full week and then the final is on the 17th. Another semester done, another group of people I probably won't see again.
Which brings me to the main point of this blog entry. As I grow older, I find that I evaluate people as I come across them and make an almost unconscious decision as to whether or not I want to invest time and energy into creating a friendship with them. I know it sounds a bit harsh, but, for me, a friendship and getting to know someone is a personal investment that I have a hard time with losing. Again, as I said, good-byes are not easy for me. And, when I find someone who really clicks with me, it is even more sad when circumstances change and we go our separate ways. When I first started back at school I made a few friendships that this happened with and I feel bad that I've lost touch with them. What seemed so permanent then, is gone. Yet I'm sure this happens all the time, and in other circumstances than just school. Work is the next common place I would think this happens because we've all made friends at work and then lost that friendship when one or the other moves on. Not always (Hi Kathie!), but it is rare for those friendships to endure. Promises of get-togethers quickly fade after the good-byes are said.
And sometimes, circumstances of relationships prevent any further contact than a professional level. Even though you know you'd probably be really good friends if things were different. That good-bye is bittersweet and sad and one I am loathe to lose.
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