Last Monday, I got an anti-inflammatory medication injected directly into my evil, right knee. This makes me all manner of wiggly, and even though in the grand scheme of medical tests and procedures it is a cake walk, it stills feels disgusting and is painful. At least to me. My doctor was nice enough to inject the needle into one of my old arthroscopic surgery scars from 1984 and he also numbed the skin up with some magical freezing spray that I've seen in the pharmacy a millions times before but have never really paid attention to it. Now I know what it does. The shot took around 2 to 3 mins, but it felt like 20. At one point I must have been holding my breath because he told me to take a breath but I didn't. I'm one of those people that tenses up and holds their breath whenever something painful is happening. I also know that this is not a good thing to do and you run the risk of passing out when you do this. I mention all this because by today, Friday, I'm virtual pain-free in my knee and I'm doing things that several weeks ago would have brought me to tears and close to blacking out.
This small episode of medical drama in my life reminds me that there are so many unpleasant things we need to go through in order to get what we want in life. It was one of my worse weeks with my coworker this week and amongst many, other topics discussed, was the subject of what we control in our lives. A constant, running theme with this coworker is her continual need to see herself as a victim and the subject of fate with no control on her part. And, I, of course, pretty much feel that we are in control of our lives, for the most part. Obviously, there are things that happen to us that we don't have control over, but for the most part we can control how we handle the events of our lives. Case in point: Coworker hates her job. So, I tell her to find a new one and she tells me that it won't happen, she can't find a different job, that she shouldn't have to work, and blah, blah, blah. So, she sits at a job she hates and complains about it all the time. She does nothing to change her situation except continually and loudly tell me that she is retiring. (yeah, in a year) Personally, I can't wait for her to leave. There are many, many, examples with this person of things she doesn't like but won't change. Almost all of them are in her power to change them.
I waited a week and a half before I built enough courage up to get that shot in my knee. But, as the doctor told me "come back when you've had enough of that knee" I realized he was right and that I was being silly. You need to get through the awful before the good. There's also no promise that the medication will last, but for now it feels pretty good.
My coworker will not change. She is unwilling to go through what she needs to in order to make herself happy. Which also leads me to believe that she doesn't want to be happy. I find this thought disturbing, but I'm really beginning to believe it. Not only does she not want to be happy, but she wants everyone else to be unhappy too. And that they should be happy being unhappy. If that even makes sense.
I had a full-blown migraine this week. Rage, visual aura, headache, light and sound aversions, the whole kit and caboodle. As I thank God for the miracle that is Maxalt, I realize that better living through chemistry really is my motto. But, the next day, my coworker decides that she needs to fill every drawer in the room with plastic vials from a distance of about three feet. Just open the box and let the vials pour out. When I ask her to stop doing this, she gets a smirk on her face and informs me that I should just change my situation if I don't like what she is doing. She thinks that she's turned the tables on my comments to her, so I decide right then and there that there will never be another kindness towards her from me. She will get civility, but nothing else. I change my situation all right, and to one she will regret.
And that is all I am going to say about her. I've wasted too much of my energy on her, she has sucked too much of my life away for my liking and I'm not going to let her do that anymore. I'm done with her. She is not worth my time and that is my situation to change.
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