I love big books and I cannot lie....

My husband gave me a Samsung Galaxy Tablet for Christmas this year.  It's the smaller one because I had wanted something that I could easily carry around, and the main objective was to read books on it using an app of some sort.  I originally thought a kindle or an ereader device would be good, but then realized I could do that plus much more on a tablet AND it was cheaper than a kindle fire.  I finally got to open and play with said tablet this past weekend because we had postponed our Christmas twice due to my being sick.  Yes, I'm STILL sick.  As in this is going on 5 weeks of sick now.  I've been the the doctor twice, and have been given all sorts of diagnosis's (is that the plural of diagnosis?) and medicine.  And I'm thoroughly convinced that none of it made any difference, this thing is going to run its course whether or not I try to interfere.  As we were preparing to have my mother in law over last weekend, my husband said to me after a particularly disgusting coughing fit, "are you sure you want to do this?".  After I returned to consciousness, I said, "no, I don't think so".  He promptly called his mother and postponed yet again.  But, I digress.

 

Scott, had already gotten and played with his Christmas present, a kindle fire.  So, I finally got to open my presents because I knew it would cheer me up.  I had some presents from Kathie, (thanks Kathie!) and then my tablet.  I opened it, turned it on, and was off and running (while wearing the presents Kathie had given me).  Scott helped me set it up to our internet connection and less than a minute later I was downloading books to my tablet.  I started reading and although I love the ease of an ereader, there is something very sad about the inevitable change from having a honest to God real book in your hands to a small electronic device devoid of any inherent qualities of cloth and paper.  Or, leather and paper if it's a really expensive book.  My tablet doesn't smell like old paper.  Not the musty, moldy, yucky smell.  But the warm, comforting, dusty smell that paper takes on when it ages.  There is no heft to the tablet like a good, big book.  You can't snap a tablet shut with a resounding CRACK! that definitively states you have closed this book.  And, although we are told the ebooks we buy will be ours forever, there is permanence to a physical book that no ebook will ever replace.  Yes, once on the internet, always on the internet, but a physical book and all its clones has more permanence to it than any binary code can ever replicate.

 

Twice in my life I've had the following comment directed at me, "awfully big book for a girl" and "that's a big book for a girl".  The first comment was many years ago (1987?) and I was reading Tom Clancy's Red Storm Rising for the second time.  And, yes, it IS a big book.  The second comment was directed at me when I was studying my chemistry textbook in 2009.  I replied to the person that I was only looking at the pictures and smiled my most vapid, empty-headed smile I could muster.  I'm not sure if the person understood the sarcasm of my comment.  Interestingly, both times the comment was made from a man.  I've never once had a woman tell me I was reading big books, but I have had women tell me that they hate reading and I had one coworker proudly tell me that she has never finished a book in her life.  I almost cried at that statement because she really doesn't understand what that tells the world about her, and that she was proud of it made me very, very sad.  However, with my new tablet, I will never hear the big book for a girl comment again.  No one really knows what you are reading, and as a society we've grown so accustom to seeing people with their faces buried in an electronic device of some sort that an ereader will never draw the attention a Tom Clancy novel does.  I'm ok with that, but part of me always liked seeing people reading books in public.  I guess that's the librarian in me.  

 

Which brings me to my last point.  The evolution of brick and mortar libraries.  One of my greatest pleasures in life is to walk into a library and just take in the stacks.  I love seeing shelving full of books and materials just sitting and waiting there for discovery.  When I was a kid, I lived in a very small town.  Jackson did not have a library, except in the elementary school.  West Bend, the closest city did have a library, but only West Bend residents could get a library card.  This was before the computer age, libraries banding together to form large lending establishments, and the understanding that you really do want your kids to love the library.  I remember being told in a very snotty manner that "Jackson" kids can't get a library card because their parents didn't pay taxes to West Bend.  Which, to an 8 year old, means absolutely nothing.  All I knew was that I wanted to be part of the library because, well who wouldn't!!!?  I've told this story many times, and I can still experience that feeling of inferiority I had because I truly didn't understand why I couldn't have a library card.  But, that's all in the past.  I have a library card for not just Lakeview Community Library in Random Lake, but for all of the Eastern Shores System.  Yeah me!!!  As I read on my tablet however, the nagging little voice in the back of my head tells me I am contributing to the death of the form of the library I love the most.  As libraries convert and evolve to accommodate ereader devices, that means less and less physical books to put on a shelf.  I understand that evolution is inevitable and change is going to happen, but there is a distinct possibility that by the time my life is over (assuming I live to a ripe, old age) a brick and mortar library will be a rare thing that is only a repository of documents, archives, artifacts that can't be digitized, and records.  There will be a few places that will have computer access for those that don't have it, and many will become "community centers" that will serve the needs of folks who want to take classes, participate in community functions and festivals, and use the library for things they can't afford like internet access.  But not for the act of walking the stacks to find a book cover that draws your attention and makes you select it.  Not for checking out a physical book and wondering how many other people have read these words and did they like it, what did they think of it, and why would someone spill coffee on it? (at least I hope it's coffee)

 

Awfully big book for a girl.  I wonder if anyone will ever utter "awfully big tablet for a girl".  It seems to me that the electronic generation  will never even understand the dynamics behind the technology they are using.  Nor would they want to.  It's just there for them to use and from their perspective, it always has been.  Part of me, however, is very sad that as time marches on, fewer and fewer people will know the joy of walking into a building, smelling that papery smell, and be engulfed into stacks and stacks of words, stories, ideas, lamentations, examinations, diatribes, documentaries, pictures, and experiences that are much bigger than themselves.      

Ahhhh...

                                 

I had both of my finals on Monday, and I'm really glad I'm done for the week.  Although I looked like Frodo above by the time I got home  that night, I'm appreciative of being done with my finals and still having some time in the week to deal with being ill and Christmas.

About a week and a half ago, I started feeling draggy and tired, but chalked it up to the usual.  Full-time work, half-time school, endless studying and worrying about finals, running a household, paying the bills, and oh, yeah, I think Christmas is coming up soon...  But then I developed...the cough.  This isn't a normal cold cough where you politely expel air for a few throat or lung clearing exhalations.  Oh, no.  This is the I'm-really-trying-to-physically-bring-one-or-both-lungs-out-of-my-chest-cavity-by-heaving-from-my-toes cough.  Lest you think I'm exaggerating, my ribs are sore to the touch, and I'm buying stock in Depends undergarments (yes, I know, too, too much TMI).  Even the muscles in my head are sore from coughing.  And, it's a dry, piercing, non-productive, five minute cough that got me kicked out of the quiet study area at UWM's library.  So, while at work today, several of the nurses who work down the hallway from me came to see me.  Seems even through my closed, steel door, they could hear me down the hallway.  They are sure I have walking pneumonia, which I've heard about and working in the health care field, know about, but I didn't realize that you can feel almost "normal" but be extremely tired and have this very distinctive cough.  I just thought I was tired because I am getting on average 5 hours of sleep and had the end of the semester and finals to deal with.  What student isn't tired at this point?  Unfortunately, there is nothing to be done about this viral pneumonia and you have to let it run its course.  Great.

I powered through my finals, and thankfully did very well.  An A in math stats and an A- in grammar.  Scott thought it odd that I would do better in stats than grammar given my major, but it's because I didn't know how to diagram sentences and didn't do that well at the beginning of the semester with them.  The rest of the test was fine, but I was a bit shaky on understanding what goes where.  I finally got it toward the end of the semester, but by then I needed to bring some B+ tests up with the final.  I hate having to do it that way, but I'm glad it worked.  I'd rather have the strong grades going into the finals so that the pressure isn't as great.  As I mentioned, I had both of them on Monday and that was easily one of the longest days I've had for school.  I got to UWM at 8am and left at 8pm.  Stats was in the morning and grammar was in the evening.  But, I had time to study for grammar, so I devoted most of the weekend to stats.  Thankfully, it worked out well.

Now it's time for baking, shopping, wrapping, cleaning, decorating, and getting my house in order for the next semester.  And reading for fun.  I really miss that, and have a huge wish list on my library account.  I will have to get a few books in for the break.  So, that's it for the fall semester 2012 and it was nice not to have test hysterics involved.  One of my coworker friends told me tonight (as I was buying codeine cough syrup) "I didn't realize you were in school this semester because you never complained once!"  Nice.

Endings of things

I have never been good at good-byes.  I find them sad reminders of how time passage is swift, unforgiving, and final.  Several things have transpired in the past few months that have given me a feeling of good-byes and how life changes whether we want it to or not.  One good-bye is the closing of Hostess Company.  Mainly known for Twinkies, they also made my favorite, Susy-Q's.  I was poor growing up, and these cakes were a very rare treat and almost a delicacy for me.  While many of my friends would have Twinkies in their lunches, I was relegated to the hot lunch program because it was cheap.  There were no Twinkies in the hot lunch program back then.  But Hostess has been a part of American life style since 1930 and had employed around 18,500 people.  I'm not going to go into the whole evilness of the Baker's union, but I think they should have made an effort to settle.  Even the Teamsters told them to settle.  But I digress.  As a result, and unless someone buys the company and recipes, a long-standing American tradition is gone.  My mother in law gave me a recipe called Twinkie Torte and now that will have to be made with an imitation brand and it will not be the same.  Again, a tinge of sadness and something lost.

My husband and I were faced with the reality of how a freedom has been lost.  We had our health insurance through his work, and because of Obamacare, his company made huge and drastic changes to their 2013 plan.  Mainly, a huge price penalty if I were to stay on his insurance and had access to my employer's insurance, a tripling of premiums, a "wellness program" that had mandatory participation or suffer a financial penalty, and a reduction of coverage for certain services.  My open enrollment was closed already, so I said, "Let's just put the  money we would have used in premiums in savings and see what happens next year".  We are both healthy, have no real need to go to the doctor except for routine physicals once a year and I felt we could just wait and see.  It was a crashing reminder of how that freedom has been taken away because it is now mandatory to have insurance.  And if I hear that asinine lie of being able to keep your doctor again, I will go ballistic.  I have to change my doctor.  He's not in the high deductible plan I have to switch to.  He would be out of network.  Yeah, I can go to him, but it's a toss up if my "insurance" will cover the visit or not.  So, no, you don't get to keep your doctor.

As this semester comes to a close, I'm reminded of how you just get to know a group of people and a teacher and then you are done.  I'm not advocating for longer semesters, but it does seem like I just get comfortable in the class and it's pretty much over.  I am understanding both math stats and grammar well enough to ask good questions instead of playing the catch-up game and understanding what is being taught after it is done and over.  I usually read ahead, but that doesn't always help, especially in stats.  I must have crossed some understanding line with stats because I really am "getting" what she is teaching.  However, this is the last full week and then the final is on the 17th.  Another semester done, another group of people I probably won't see again.

Which brings me to the main point of this blog entry.  As I grow older, I find that I evaluate people as I come across them and make an almost unconscious decision as to whether or not I want to invest time and energy into creating a friendship with them.  I know it sounds a bit harsh, but, for me, a friendship and getting to know someone is a personal investment that I have a hard time with losing.  Again, as I said, good-byes are not easy for me.  And, when I find someone who really clicks with me, it is even more sad when circumstances change and we go our separate ways.  When I first started back at school I made a few friendships that this happened with and I feel bad that I've lost touch with them.  What seemed so permanent then, is gone.  Yet I'm sure this happens all the time, and in other circumstances than just school.  Work is the next common place I would think this happens because we've all made friends at work and then lost that friendship when one or the other moves on.  Not always (Hi Kathie!), but it is rare for those friendships to endure.  Promises of get-togethers quickly fade after the good-byes are said.

And sometimes, circumstances of relationships prevent any further contact than a professional level.  Even though you know you'd probably be really good friends if things were different.  That good-bye is bittersweet and sad and one I am loathe to lose.  

           

UWM so far...

The new schedule for spring classes came out this week, and I think I have my classes picked out.  I'm trying to decide if I should take two classes or three.  I go through this almost every semester, and usually someone has to remind me that three classes and full time work is probably not the best way to spend 16 weeks.  So, I will pick my two and have the third as a back-up in case I don't get one of my other two.  In the hierarchy of registration at UWM, juniors get to register fourth.  Even the freshmen get to register before the juniors, but at least we are not sophomores who are last.  And they would be fifth to register.  And, of course, we need to let the student athletes register first because we wouldn't want THEM missing out on their classes, now would we???  They are right up there with the Honors College students.  Yeah, that's a good comparison.  But, after the spring semester, I will be a senior and will get to register, second.  Always nice to know where you stand in the college world.

I also hope that this will be my last semester that's ever taught by a graduate student.  My math stats class is taught by a very nice person, but English is not her first language (Chinese is), and she is not going to be a teacher, but has to teach this class for some reason for her graduate work.  So, I have no doubt she is brilliant in the world of mathematics, but she really needs a lesson on how to teach.  And, maybe work a bit on her English.  Teaching (and learning) math is a difficult process for most of us, and it really helps if you can understand the person teaching it.  Like I said, she is very nice and I have no doubt she is brilliant, but I can't translate and understand stats in the same thought.  I am not brilliant, so doing those two things at once leaves me several beats behind what she is teaching.  Or missing a critical point to a formula.  The book is better, and I've been able to figure it out so far, but I resent having to pay my full tuition and getting a graduate student teacher.  I realize and understand that this is how large Universities work, and how future teachers get trained, but why don't I get a discount then?  If I go see a nurse practitioner or a medical assistant instead of my regular MD doctor, the office charge is different and usually less.  And, because I feel that I am teaching myself a large portion of this class, it makes handing over the money even more irritating.  I am doing well in the class, after figuring out how the semester was going to unfold, so I'm not so upset as to actually do anything about it.  Besides, what would it gain?  There is no way this practice is going to change.  I would just make myself even more angry and irritated at a system that has evolved into an untouchable topic and would be labeled trouble-maker in the process.  I think it would be worse if I had more freshman/sophomore classes to take, but as of the spring semester, I only need my major classes and I believe those will be taught by full professors.  At least my grammar class is.

However, I came to the realization that I really miss Sheboygan.  Had I taken this math stats class there, I would have been taught by a professor and not a graduate student.  But, that goes back to getting the bad advice from the UWM adviser and needing to take two semesters of Spanish.  I would have made different choices had I been given the advice I should have been given.  But, Scott tells me I have to stop obsessing about this and move on.  He's right, but when the consequences of an action come to fruition, it is very hard not to be a bit obsessed about the results.  What happens if I fail math stats?  I will need to repeat the class, but I would never be able to shake the thought that had I taken it at Sheboygan, I wouldn't have failed it because the PROFESSOR teaching it would be an actual teacher and not some grad student teaching because they need to fulfill a requirement.  Because the professor would have chosen the teaching path, and after several years of experience, would know exactly what works and what doesn't.  Unlike my current grad student who gives six point "quizzes" at the end of a chapter that have the weight of a full test that's worth 100 points.  Yeah, there's a whole new level of test anxiety to deal with.  And when explaining a difficult concept (that's easy for her, though) tells us to "just come to my office hours if you have questions" and moves on to the next topic whether or not we have questions.  Her office hours are Friday 9 to 12 and if you work Fridays from oh, say, 7:30am to 5:00pm, it's a bit difficult to go to her office hours.

The school has an unfriendly feel to it too.  Now, keep in mind that I've worked in this area for over 20 years before Columbia merged and moved and my office moved to the River Woods campus in Glendale.  I've been on UWM's campus at various times over the years, and I've never really felt this before.  I'm not sure what it is, and I can't quite put my finger on it, but the school has a much different feel to it.  I'm also a graduate of the Downtown MATC campus, and that wasn't nearly as off-putting as UWM.  I think it may have more to do with my age than anything else, but in both my stats class and my grammar class, there is at least one other student who is older than I am, so I don't think that's the whole explanation.  I don't see nearly as many "non-traditional" students as I did at Sheboygan, but then again the student population is so much greater than at Sheboygan too.  I am hoping that I will feel differently in a few semesters, but I actually thought about transferring yesterday.  I'm not sure where I would go, and how that would fit into my work schedule, or even how much it would cost, but the thought was there, plain and simple.

There is one interesting thing I would like to pursue at UWM though.  They have a student run organization in the Union that is the Arts and Crafts Center.  It is a workshop area that has tools and supplies for many different areas of interest.  It is one of the last open to the public darkrooms for traditional film photography, and they also run classes from beginning sewing to advanced metal smithing.  When I went in there for my orientation tour, I had on my favorite silver and gold dragonscale bracelet.  When the two students who were giving the tours saw it, they wanted to know if I would be interested in teaching chain maille classes.  They don't have a chain maille teacher, and knew that at least the SCA group would probably be interested in learning techniques to make their own maille.  I think if I can get involved in something, that might make a difference in the "feel" of the University.  It is out of the question this semester because my schedule and effort put into math stats won't allow it, but next semester I might be able to swing it.  The two academic classes I'm looking at would be once weekly classes and I'd be able to go back to my four, 9-hour day work week with a day off during the week.  I believe it would give me time for both study and to teach a beginner maille class.  They also have metal smithing classes that I'd be interested in taking, as that area of study has great appeal to me.  I'd love to learn how to solder and to make metal pieces that are not chain maille.  I could take actual classes, but I would need prereqs and have to pay huge amounts of tuition for the same knowledge I could learn though a non-credit class.  For A LOT less.  Hmmm, maybe that's my plan for next semester.

So, those are my student life issues at the beginning of week 10.  I'm doing well, and am happy with my mid term grades, so I'm gaining some confidence that I might just pass stats on the first swing through.  I know I should have more confidence in myself than what that last sentence implies, but I really don't.  Not when it comes to math.  Although I do feel more confident in math than I do in Spanish, so I guess there's always a bigger fish.    One of my favorite experiences at Sheboygan was after graduation.  Prof Walkenhorst saw my friends and family in the parking lot and came up to introduce himself and to congratulate me.  When I introduced my group, he, in all sincerity, tried to convince my husband and my best friend to convince me to go into math as a major.  He taught both my Algebra 105 and 110 classes, and I got A's for both.  His style of teaching is very precise and methodical, as a math course should be.  I understood him completely after a class, except for logarithms and no one wants to discuss those.  Logarithms are the verbs of the math world.  In any case, it was incredibly heady to hear that someone thought I should major in math, and I cling to that whenever I feel overwhelmed in stats.  To this day, my friend Jill tries to convince me to be an actuary.  Yeah, four semesters of calculus and untold other math classes I can't even pronounce their names.  Maybe if I was 20 years younger, but this brain of mine isn't going to learn yet another language.       

So, with that, it is time to study for my grammar test on Monday.  I like this class.  My professor makes a very dry and boring topic funny and interesting.  She is also a story-teller and I really like that.  My friend from work is taking this class with me, so it's fun to have that together.  She is going to be a teacher, and is taking this class as her upper level English requirement.  I am too, despite the Chair of the English dept questioning why I would want to take a grammar class.  Given that I will (hopefully) be writing on a professional level for a company sometime in the future, I think it is probably important to know the difference between I am good and I am well.  Now there's a new habit I have to break.

       

When advice goes bad....

For better or worse, I declared my major today.  I am officially an English major now.  I’ve decided to follow the professional/grant/technical writing program and as the Chair of the English dept put it, “you work with words people use at work”.  There’s an internship I will have to do coming down the road and he asked me if I would be able to work that in around my current job.  I said yes, because what else would I say?  If I want to graduate, I will have to do this.  What I think will really happen is that I will end up working my job around the internship.  But, one step at a time.  I’m 36 credits from graduating, so for my part time little adventure, that’s two years of fall, spring and summer semesters.  However, most of the English classes I will need are not offered in summer sessions, so I don’t think it will be two years and will probably be a little longer.  So, my plan is this:  I will minor in the IST program and switch back and forth between IST and English.  I need 18 credits in IST for a minor, and I’ve already taken six, so two more summer semesters and I’ll finish that requirement.  And because those classes are offered online, I shouldn’t have a problem with the summer terms and availability.  But, that makes me take two more fall/spring combo semesters for English, bringing my grand total of time to three years.  So, I’m more than half-way done, and there is light beginning at the end of the tunnel. 

I also found out last week that I did not need to take two semesters of Spanish.  I’m following the 1989 to 1998 set of graduation guidelines, and with my one year of high school French, I fulfilled the foreign language requirement.  It would appear that the adviser I met with in the summer of 2011 gave me bad advice, and was too lazy to look up in the archives to see if I really needed to take two semesters of a foreign language.  And for whatever reason, UWM still has not put those requirements into the computer system they use for advising and the adviser was too lazy to actually check for me even though I made an appointment ahead of time, and asked her repeatedly if I really needed to take two semesters worth.  She insisted I did, and I even confirmed with her that I was a student in 1985 with transferable credit, so, again, did I really need to take two semesters of foreign language?  Yes, she said.  The rest is history which has been written about ad nauseaum on this blog. 

Money and time aside (roughly $1500 in tuition and $200 for a book), it was two semesters I could have used to work on credits for my degree.  My goal in coming back to college was not necessarily to wander through the liberal arts degree, but to keep to a track that would allow me to graduate in the shortest amount of time possible.  I work full time along with going to school and while I won’t change that, it is draining at times and I feel like I’m never rested anymore.  I also have a house that needs cleaning and upkeep, and those chores don’t go away because I have a test.  I’m not looking for sympathy here, but I just can’t get over how cavalier the adviser’s advice was, and how she just didn't care (when I confronted her) or understand why I was so upset with her.  I developed an anxiety disorder from this, and now it has found its way into my life in such insidious ways that I feel like a part of my personality has permanently changed.  Crisis of confidence Kathie calls it, and that is really the perfect name for it.  I took my first math stats test last week also, and I didn't do so well.  I had that same wanting to flee panic sensation and my mind just emptied of everything I had studied.  The frustrating thing is, I know the answers.  I got the test back and I knew the right answers to the questions I got wrong without looking them up.  Blind panic and the thought of what the hell am I doing in here was all it took to fail the easiest test of the semester.  And they are horrible little 9 point “quizzes” that do not forgive in the least. 

So, since finding out about the foreign language requirement, I've been trying to focus on the good that came out of the two semesters of life changing stress instead of the negative.  I did learn a lot and more than I originally thought.  I find that errant thoughts about Spanish suddenly make sense to me.  It’s as if they really needed to percolate a bit in my brain before making a connection.  I made several friends in the two classes, and that’s always good.  But the biggest positive thing that came out of it was that my understanding of grammar significantly increased.  My other class of this semester is an advanced grammar class, and we are making predication charts and beginning diagramming.  Now, the last time I attempted a sentence diagram was in my freshman year of high school in 1982.  I don’t know about you, but in addition to being 30 years ago, I never understood it then and even now, I’m just barely beginning to get it.  However, I sure as heck know what an object, participle, tense, and other various and assorted grammar terms are.  Both semesters of Spanish were grammar heavy and although it was Spanish grammar, we had to understand English grammar before we could fit Spanish into some sort of order.  I've even used my Spanish grammar book on my homework.  I use the English explanations as they are really good definitions. 

Slowly, I am beginning to adjust to being at UWM.  I am astounded at the lack of space there.  And, at how small the insides of the buildings are.  It’s really weird because the buildings look rather large from the outside, and I thought they would be, oh I don’t know, cleaner somehow.  And, yes, I’ve only been in a few of the buildings on campus, but the ones I’ve been in are dark, cluttery, and the bathrooms are gas station level at best.  And they are small, way too small for a University of this size.  I’m not sure who thought it was a good idea to put one or two three-stall bathrooms on an entire floor for the students.  I’m sure the staff have their own, but the ones the students have to use are kind of gross.  I don’t even want to consider what the men’s rooms are like. 

In my math stats class, there is a blind student who sits next to me.  He is a linguistics major, and knows several languages.  He is taking Russian and Swedish this semester and I told him of my trials with Spanish.  Of course he knows Spanish too, and was at loss to understand why I struggled so hard with learning it.  Quite frankly, I am at a loss in understanding that too, but that’s not my point here.  He’s been at UWM for four years, and his normal pathways around campus have been blocked because UWM has several large construction projects going on and the students have to take detours around the machinery.  He asked me to walk him to the other side of campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays after class, and I agreed.  I’ve had limited experience leading a blind person before as my mother had diabetic retinopathy that robbed her of most of her eyesight for several years before she died.  I told him that I might not be the best guide and why, and he said that I would be better than him not having a guide at all, and I can’t argue with that.  So, it has been an informative four weeks because I’m not shy about asking him questions about his blindness and he doesn’t mind answering them.  I know that because it was one of the first questions I asked him.  He has a talking calculator (with ear piece) and voice recognition software on this computer (again, with headphones).  But, our class is being taught by a Chinese graduate student who knows her math stats, but English is clearly not her interest.  Then again, who am I to judge her pronunciation?  My only hitch on that thought is that I’m paying bucket-loads of tuition and trying to figure out her accent is a real chore, let alone understanding the content of her lectures.  She gets math stats, and the rest of us are trying to figure out what the heck she just said.  Again, her English is WAY better than my Chinese, but if I was going to teach, I would want to be sure to be understood.  In any case, my friend can’t use his special software because it doesn’t understand the teacher, but he seems to understand her just fine.  At least he types like a maniac and keeps up with her.

I'm still undecided about the whole bad advising issue and if I can really trust those advisers.  I've heard all the arguments now, ranging from "you can use them for general electives" to "you'll need Spanish for the workforce".  I know all these, but yet, I keep coming back to the thought of why this adviser couldn't do her job in an effective and competent manner.  This sort of thing would never fly in the health care industry.  "Oh, well, you didn't really need your appendix out, but now it is and you won't have to worry about it!" would set the hospital and doctor up for a huge malpractice law suit.  I also keep thinking of all the jobs in the world where people just guess instead of actually finding out the truth and what happens because of that.  I was thoroughly convinced that if I didn't pass Spanish, I would have dropped out of college.  Why would I continue on with tuition and other expenses if I couldn't pass the class and needed it for graduation requirements?   And while that thought drove me to study for endless hours and pass with a respectable grade, I still am angry that the anxiety that came from those tests has not left me.  Again, I would have dropped out of college, ended my pursuit of a Bachelor's right then and there had I flunked.  I guess you could call it good motivation, and shows that people can get through what they need to if they believe enough, but I feel as though I can never really trust the advisers again, and quite frankly that's probably not a good thing.  Trust issues.  I have trust issues to begin with, and something like this does nothing to alleviate those issues.  So, enough griping about this.  I am done, I have the credits, I learned something, I made friends, I expanded my grammar knowledge, and I will put it away.  You're killin' me Smalls!

    

Everyone Loves A Good Con

My husband and I just returned from Star Wars Celebration VI this past week in Orlando Florida.  Overall, it was a good con and we had a lot of fun.  The con was over four days, and they flew by before we could even really get homesick.  We went to SWC V in 2010, and we kind of knew what we were in for this year.  While the con panels and activities are very entertaining and informative, there is a power game that is played by the people who actually "run" the con.  The biggest example is line queues.  While I understand that there is a large number of people that attend the panels, this absolute need for lining us up like cattle to slaughter is unnecessary and somewhat hostile.  In 2010, the line control police (LCP) were somewhat unorganized and had us lined up anywhere there was space.  Usually shouting at us to group up four across and "leave no space" between us.  Um, it's a con.  NO ONE wants to be that close to each other.  This year, they had dedicated rooms with metal railings to line us up with again "no space between us".  Hundreds of people in the room waiting to be ushered into a much bigger room where there was no real direction and we were now in the free for all seating mind-set that most of us veteran con-goers are used to.

I made a promise to Scott and myself that I wouldn't go on my tirade about LCP's and their authoritative ways while at the con.  Mostly, I was able to keep that promise because I realize it just drags down a good time to constantly  gripe about something I can't really change.  I was struck, however in 2010 and again this year in the differences in con-goers.  Scott and I are experienced con-goers, and especially Gen Con.  I am amazed at how the SWC goers are more docile than the Gen Con goers.  There is no way the LCP's would be able to control the Gen Con goers in the same manner they control the SWC goers.  Not without actual police force members there to back them up.  I would say the same amount of people go to each con, so it's not a numbers issue.  And, it's not a space issue either. The Orange County Convention center in Orlando is HUGE.  Gigantic huge.  I can't even really fathom the square footage of this building, and even the SWC con was in a small part of the building.  The Indiana Convention Center is nowhere near that big, yet they seem to do just fine with the large crowds that attend Gen Con.  So, that's not it.  I don't think I will ever really understand why there is a difference other than gamers may be more non-conformist than Star Wars fans.

Some good things:

We got to see George Lucas on a panel when he unexpectedly showed up.  He was not expected to be at SWCVI at all, but there he was.  We got some good pics and it's always fun to hear him in his quiet, dead-pan voice, talk about Star Wars.  The room we were in held roughly two thousand people, and when he walked in, it was complete cheering and applause that would have given a jet engine take-off competition for decibel levels.

I got the cutest poster tube holder known to man.  It looks like a fat light saber and was definitely a hot ticket collectible on the dealer's floor.  I didn't anticipate, but Scott warned me, that it wouldn't fit into our suitcases.  It didn't, but luckily the flight crew did not even take notice of it and it fit into the overhead compartment (phew!).  The hotel we stayed at gave me a very large clear garbage bag to put it in, and security at the airport didn't even glance at it.  Then again, it is cardboard and plastic so x-rays should have gone right through it.  I'm really glad I didn't have to trash it and got it home just fine.

Scott got several neat animated cell pictures that are matted and ready for framing.  I got a Greedo one.  There was also an Indiana Jones cell that is pretty cool.

Scott got encased in carbonite.  There was a booth that took a detailed panoramic picture of you, and then a  laser-guided computer carves your likeness into "carbonite" just like Han Solo.  It's pretty cool, and will be a neat piece for our collection.

We saw a lot of people in really good costumes, and some we didn't really understand.  I think there may have been a cosplay crossover so that was kind of weird.  There were some really bad costumes too.  Yikes.  We were also shocked at the number of people who had tattoos.  Again, some really good, and some really bad, and some so head-scratchingly confusing that neither of us could figure them out.  There was a dedicated area in the dealer's room for tattoo artists, and there was no lack of paying customers.  I'm not sure that spur of the moment tattoos are the best, let alone the ones of the fever induced from being immersed for four days in Star Wars fandom only to get home and have buyers remorse of the giant tattoo on your kiester of Darth Vader.



It was good to get home on Tuesday, as both Scott and I came down with some food bug or virus Tuesday morning before we left.  So glad that if it was going to happen, that it happened after the con.  We made it home and for the first time since May, I got a migraine sometime during the night.  It's back to reality tomorrow with work and as always, vacation goes way to fast.    

After the fact

It was an interesting day today.  I took a break from writing my research paper because I hit a mental block and it was so nice out, and I had a 25% off coupon for a certain crafts store that was burning a hole in my pocket.  And, I've been working on this paper for three straight days and I was a bit shack wacky as Kathie would say.  So, off to Sheboygan I zoomed and happily noticed how things are starting to green back up a bit after the rains of last week.  I can't mention the store, or the names of the people I ran into at this store for mostly reasons that will become apparent, but I don't think anyone would really be able to ID the people of interest in this story anyway.

My husband tells me that I have a personality trait that people and strangers find enticing.  Basically, what this means, is that complete strangers will tell me their life stories if given a chance.  I never noticed that I could have this affect on people until I started dating Scott and we would constantly run into people who either knew me, or strangers would just talk to me and Scott thought I knew them.  I can be in any store or location and if I wanted to I can, and have had, entire conversations with people I don't know for hours.  I'm not particularly social, in fact I usually shy away from these contacts because I easily get sucked into their predicaments and I feel bad if it is a bad story, or bad if I can't help them, or some other level of unhappiness that makes me ponder their lives.  Today was no different.  While browsing around the store looking for things to buy, no less than four people who were looking in the same areas I was starting talking to me and telling me why they were there and what they did for hobbies.  I don't mind talking hobbies with anyone because you can find out a lot of information from other people, but I'm not sure I want to know why you came to the store (fight with husband!).  Sometimes I think I look like I work at these stores or locations and maybe that's why people talk to me, but after a minute or so it becomes apparent that they just want an anonymous person to listen to them.

After that, I started running into people I do know, some good, some really bad.  I saw my next door neighbor and we chatted a bit and lamented about having to cut the grass now.  We joked we should have car pooled and that this store needed to organize a bit better.  But, then the bad happened.  I had a stalker a few years ago and I ran into her walking down the aisle towards me.  Needless to say, I didn't recognize her immediately, but she recognized me and made a beeline for me, yelling out my name in the store for EVERYONE to hear.  I was close to getting a restraining order on this person when in the midst of this saga a few years ago, but my workplace merged and I moved to a different office building and she moved to a different clinic.  However, she still lives in my town but I haven't see her (that I know of) in two years.  Luckily, I had a cart which I used as a shield and kept moving away from her and trying to get away in a different aisle.  I was happy it was busy in there and there were other people who were getting in the way and I made an escape to a different part of the store and was going to circle around to check out and leave.  But, I ran into a fellow classmate and we struck up a conversation.

She told me some very interesting things that I really can't relate here about school and some of the teachers. Again, I always take gossip with a huge grain of salt because it is gossip.  And, as I don't live in Sheboygan, I really don't get the full understanding of the community because I'm really just a visitor and now that I've transferred to UWM, I hardly go to Sheboygan anymore.  Unless I have a 25% off coupon.  Anyway, as I was trying to desperately calm myself from the shock of seeing my stalker, my classmate preceded to relate these stories with no real hesitation or real discretion at all.  I kept trying to sway the conversation to something different, but it kept coming back to school, because, really, that's all we have in common.  And again, I was reminded that people tell me stuff they probably shouldn't with very little prompting at all.  Some things I just don't want to know.  But, I didn't see my stalker coming after me and I talked with my classmate for a good length of time so that I could put more time between her and myself.  And, I did some grocery shopping just in case she followed me.  And, yes, she has.  And, on several occasions even when Scott was with me.

The grocery store proved no different as in the check out line, the person behind me wanted to tell me about their groceries.  Maybe it's because I can't just give them a stare that shuts them down, or if I do it's not mean enough.  Maybe I don't want to do that because I don't want to get good at that either.  Even though I don't think I'm particularly social, I don't mind helping someone if they have a question.  It's always fun to see their reaction when they realize I don't work at the store.  But, after the stalker reminder, I really wasn't in the mood for chatting with strangers.  In fact, I think that's how I got the stalker to begin with.  1st shift employees at the Columbia campus had to be shuttled into work because we didn't have adequate parking for us, doctors, patients, visitors, and the scofflaws of UWM students who parked in our structure and weren't supposed to.  Anyway, to solve the parking dilemma, the peons had to be shuttled into work.  While waiting for the shuttles, we talked with one another and my coworkers were no different than any other stranger I would meet off the street.  This person, however, became a problem and I never realized it until it was too late and after the fact.  I'm a bit naive sometimes, actually more often than I should be at this point in my life.  I began to realize there was a problem when she first insisted I tell her where I live.  And then Scott noticed she was following us home one night.  And another night, and another night after that.  And then she was mad when we kept driving past our house and left Random for Sheboygan.  We don't have a police dept, although I think Fredonia has a marshal.  She would time getting to the shuttle lot so that she could confront me on why I didn't go home the night before and so that she could be on the same shuttle as I was.  It didn't bother her that other people saw these outbursts, and I would try to diffuse the situation by saying we had errands.  Wow, I really had "forgotten" a lot of this until I saw her again today.  There is so much more to this story as this took place over several years until the merge.  

So, I paid a kindness to this person and that was the thanks I got.  After the fact I realized it was not the smartest thing in the world to talk with her, but part of me absolutely rebels at the abject meanness of not returning conversations with people.  We have so much apathy in society anyway, that to not even return a greeting or pass time waiting in a line with a quick comment or two seems a lost opportunity to restore some humanity to ourselves that gets lost in the walls of insular distrust we put up when "out in public".  I still am not sure what it is about me that complete strangers find appealing on a Dr. Phil level.  This doesn't happen to Scott and if we are out together, people still only talk to me, not him.  So it is me.  Even some of my friends have noticed this on occasion, although we never really talk about it in depth.  It's something I can't quite put my finger on, but I know, almost immediately if someone will talk to me or not.

I've mentioned before on this blog the story of how I was labeled a storyteller.  Not the lie-like-a-rug-make-stuff-up storyteller, but a person who likes stories, loves telling a good story, and appreciates the art of telling stories.  And, after reflecting on this, I agree.  So does Scott, who is my captive audience.  There used to be an art form of this, and maybe somewhere it still lives, but I wonder if the people who made their livings in the "olden" times of telling news and stories had this trait of getting people to open up to them.  They could get people to tell them things with just the right question asked and the ability to listen.  Now, if I could just turn that into a profession that someone would pay for in today's time, I'd be set.