This morning (May 22nd) I was wished a “happy holiday weekend.” I have noticed the past few years several things about holidays.
First, in society's attempt to be diverse and to not offend any group or person, holidays that once had cultural or religious meaning have been obliterated by the generic term “holiday”. It's the perfect non-committal, non-significant, non-meaning, non-threatening, non-descriptive way to wish someone good feelings for something that we may or may not know if the person celebrates or not. But if the person doesn't observe or celebrate the “holiday” why would we wish them a happy “holiday”? It's almost as if we need to leave no person behind when it comes to happiness during holidays.
Second, I do not want to be wished a happy holiday when it is Memorial Day or a happy holiday weekend for the whole weekend. It is NOT a happy holiday, it is a time to remember our dead, and specifically, our military dead. It seems that in our rush to enjoy every single second of the summer, society has now deemed that Memorial Day is not for remembrance and reflection, but a whole weekend event to WOO HOO! ring in the whole season of summer. This, of course, ends with Labor Day weekend, which being a day the Unions have constructed isn't really a holiday I observe, but I still get wished a happy holiday weekend for that one too. I don't mind, but maybe it would have more meaning to me if I were in a union. But as it stands now, I really don't care about that one. Mostly, it's annoying because it usually falls right around or on my birthday, so trying to plan anything is difficult because of crowds of people trying to get the last days of summer crammed into their lives before school starts or the perceived notion of winter starting the next day.
Third, when I wish some a happy Easter, or a Merry Christmas, or a happy Hanukkah, or whatever happy holiday is current, I get a surprised look and then a smile. I have yet to have someone correct me, scowl, or be angry that I wished them a happy (specific) holiday. However, I don't wish anyone a happy Memorial Day. That's just insulting. Of the six major recognized holidays (New Year's Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Christmas Day, Thanksgiving Day, and July 4th) that the majority of America observes, Memorial Day is the only one that isn't a reason to celebrate, yet we've turned it into a reason to celebrate because, after all, who DOESN'T love summer? Oh, wait, Memorial Day isn't about summer? What? Are you sure?
And fourth, I really want the retailers to stop treating this day as a great opportunity for sales. That doesn't mean I want all the stores closed, but what I do want is for them to stop treating the day as another Christmas shopping season. Anyone who wants to shop is going to whether or not (insert store here) is having a special Memorial Day sale. Just have a sale, don't name it a Memorial Day sale. There's no need for that.
We've lost our meaning for this day. I would also equate it to having lost our meaning and direction for what is important not only on this day, but every day. No one likes to dwell on the dead, or sad times, or what we've lost in life, or be reminded of how harsh, cruel, and mean reality can be. Of course it's more fun to think about the summer ahead and how great it is to have a mandated day off of work. If we're lucky, we can get the Friday before off and get a jump start on that traffic. But that is not what this day, and not a weekend, is about. Society has turned it into a reason to celebrate, because who wants to be bothered with all those depression thoughts of war, fallen heroes, and lost friends and relatives when the perfect grill-out is just minutes away.
To my father, Lester L. Olson, I would like to say thank you for your years of service in the Army Air Corp during WWII and Army Reserves after the war. And to my mom, Ruth E. Olson, thank you for your years of service to Military Families through the American Red Cross. I miss you both.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Cell phones
I may be dating myself here, but I remember when there were no cell phones. It really wasn't all that long ago, and they may have existed in the military, but within a few short years, something that I never knew existed has now taken over lives. Let me explain. I'm guessing that Alexander Bell had no clue the Genie he let out of the bottle as I think the telephone has been at least as influential to modern society as electricity, automobiles, and indoor plumbing. I say modern because I think the wheel has been THE most influential device, but that was invented a long time ago and doesn't qualify as modern in my book. For years, the phone was tethered to a stationary spot and wasn't mobile. When the cords were cut, a whole new dynamic emerged concerning phones, and along with that, a whole new level of bad manners and bad etiquette.
When I was in the 4th grade, and yes, I'll tell you what year it was (1975-1976 school year) we had weekly lessons in manners and etiquette. One particular lesson was on the usage of telephones. Back then, phones were big, boxy, and were rotary dial phones. Push button phones were just coming out, but you had to pay extra each month for the rental of the phone and for the special phone line to use them. Oh, yes, you rented phones from the phone company. There was no such thing as buying your own phone. There was a cord from the receiver to the base of the phone and then from the base of the phone to the wall. Also, for many years, you couldn't unplug the phone from the wall and move it from room to room. It required a technician to come out and rewire the phone lines. Many homes only had one phone and in many instances the phones were hooked into "party" lines. My grandmother's phone line was set up this way for many years, and it wasn't until I was a junior in high school that she got a private line.
Anyway, back to manners class. We were taught several rules. First, when you get/receive a phone call that is all you pay attention to. It was considered very rude to eat, watch TV, talk with other people, do homework, or do any activity that took any attention away from the person on the other end of the line. Second, you NEVER listened to other people's phone calls. Tantamount to spying, eavesdropping, snooping, sneaking, betrayal, rudeness, and being a bad person. You left the room when someone got a phone call, or if you couldn't leave, you would at least get as far away from the person getting the call as possible. If you were making a call, you would wait until the room was clear before you made the call. That's just how it was. The point I'm making here is that your attention was given wholly and unconditionally to the phone conversation. It was bad manners to do anything else.
So, now I'm an adult back in college and one of the first things I notice is that the cell phone is as prevalent as notebooks and pens. They sit on the desk right next to books, and usually the traditional aged kids are the ones who can't seem to get through a class without using them. There is a distinct line that divides the people who were brought up with cell phones and those who got them later in life. And here's the rub. Why can't people make it through a class without communicating with someone via texting? What is SO important in their life that it just simply can not wait until they are out of class to talk to someone? I constantly hear the clicking of keys throughout all my classes and I find it disturbing. And, I've never had a teacher or professor once tell the class that it's unacceptable to text during class. My algebra teacher will give students the hairy eyeball if their phones beep or ring during class, but even he will wait until they silence the phone. Not turn it off, but only silence it. Then, when he gets back to the lecture, all you hear is tap, tap, tap, from that person and their phone.
I had lunch with a friend several weeks ago whom I haven't seen in a long time. As we were catching up, I could hear her phone beeping, vibrating, and beeping. At first she would briefly glance at it and put it back in her pocket. As lunch went on, she would look at it, hit a few buttons, and then put it back in her pocket. Eventually, as I was relating a very personal story to her, she took it out, and proceeded to start typing a manifesto on it. I let it go for about two minutes and then I stopped talking. It took her a few seconds to realize I had stopped and without looking up or stopping typing said, "I'm still paying attention." But that wasn't the point. This was something very personal and it would have been nice to know that I had her full attention and eye contact and not some portion of her non-texting brain. Apparently, I'm not important enough to compete with a cell phone for two hours. That's all lunch was. My phone? Turned off, as it usually is.
I'm still in the 4th grade mode of phone manners. I get very uncomfortable when someone is on the phone around me. This is a problem with cell phones because the majority of the people using them WANT you to know they are using them and WANT you to hear all about their lives and WANT you to ask them questions when or if they ever get off the phone. Do I really care what the cell user is having for supper when they are yelling about it in the middle of the dairy case at the grocery store? Or in restaurants? Or movie theaters? Or libraries? Or doctor's offices? Or any other public place? No, I don't really care about the mundane details of someone's life. I barely care about my own, let alone expecting anyone else to care about them. And don't even get me started on cell phone use while driving. That is a whole new level of irritation that is not only rude, but careless, reckless, stupid, and selfish. Hang up and pay attention to what you are hurtling down the road!
I'm saddened by the loss of phone manners because there used to be a time when personal contact was more important than technology. And we as society have accepted this change without a whimper of protest that we have now lost something that was essential to human understanding. Face to face conversation, and when we couldn't do that, a phone call. A very special something in your life that said, hey, look I'm calling you. I'm paying attention to you. But now, all of that has been taken away. Texting has replaced actual conversation, phone calls are public events to be shared, and quite frankly, what is going on in your life right now is nowhere near as important as telling someone that you are bored in class and want to leave. Blah, blah, blah.
I do believe that cell phones are important, and have used one on several occasions when I really needed help, or really needed a bit of information, or needed directions. But, for the most part, my phone is off during class, work, movies, going out to dinner, when I'm with friends, gatherings, at home, and, well, most of the time. I don't give out my cell number unless I really have too, and my friends know not to call me on it because I usually don't answer because it is turned off. I'm in control of my life, not my phone. I really don't need to be accessible 24/7, nor am I that important to think that I am. It's too late to teach people about manners and cell phone usage, that Genie is long gone. But what I would hope that would happen is that more people will stand up to rude cell phone behavior and maybe, just maybe, we can get back to the priority at the moment.
Think about this, would you turn to another person and start a conversation when someone you are already talking with is still telling you something? That would be rude, wouldn't it?
When I was in the 4th grade, and yes, I'll tell you what year it was (1975-1976 school year) we had weekly lessons in manners and etiquette. One particular lesson was on the usage of telephones. Back then, phones were big, boxy, and were rotary dial phones. Push button phones were just coming out, but you had to pay extra each month for the rental of the phone and for the special phone line to use them. Oh, yes, you rented phones from the phone company. There was no such thing as buying your own phone. There was a cord from the receiver to the base of the phone and then from the base of the phone to the wall. Also, for many years, you couldn't unplug the phone from the wall and move it from room to room. It required a technician to come out and rewire the phone lines. Many homes only had one phone and in many instances the phones were hooked into "party" lines. My grandmother's phone line was set up this way for many years, and it wasn't until I was a junior in high school that she got a private line.
Anyway, back to manners class. We were taught several rules. First, when you get/receive a phone call that is all you pay attention to. It was considered very rude to eat, watch TV, talk with other people, do homework, or do any activity that took any attention away from the person on the other end of the line. Second, you NEVER listened to other people's phone calls. Tantamount to spying, eavesdropping, snooping, sneaking, betrayal, rudeness, and being a bad person. You left the room when someone got a phone call, or if you couldn't leave, you would at least get as far away from the person getting the call as possible. If you were making a call, you would wait until the room was clear before you made the call. That's just how it was. The point I'm making here is that your attention was given wholly and unconditionally to the phone conversation. It was bad manners to do anything else.
So, now I'm an adult back in college and one of the first things I notice is that the cell phone is as prevalent as notebooks and pens. They sit on the desk right next to books, and usually the traditional aged kids are the ones who can't seem to get through a class without using them. There is a distinct line that divides the people who were brought up with cell phones and those who got them later in life. And here's the rub. Why can't people make it through a class without communicating with someone via texting? What is SO important in their life that it just simply can not wait until they are out of class to talk to someone? I constantly hear the clicking of keys throughout all my classes and I find it disturbing. And, I've never had a teacher or professor once tell the class that it's unacceptable to text during class. My algebra teacher will give students the hairy eyeball if their phones beep or ring during class, but even he will wait until they silence the phone. Not turn it off, but only silence it. Then, when he gets back to the lecture, all you hear is tap, tap, tap, from that person and their phone.
I had lunch with a friend several weeks ago whom I haven't seen in a long time. As we were catching up, I could hear her phone beeping, vibrating, and beeping. At first she would briefly glance at it and put it back in her pocket. As lunch went on, she would look at it, hit a few buttons, and then put it back in her pocket. Eventually, as I was relating a very personal story to her, she took it out, and proceeded to start typing a manifesto on it. I let it go for about two minutes and then I stopped talking. It took her a few seconds to realize I had stopped and without looking up or stopping typing said, "I'm still paying attention." But that wasn't the point. This was something very personal and it would have been nice to know that I had her full attention and eye contact and not some portion of her non-texting brain. Apparently, I'm not important enough to compete with a cell phone for two hours. That's all lunch was. My phone? Turned off, as it usually is.
I'm still in the 4th grade mode of phone manners. I get very uncomfortable when someone is on the phone around me. This is a problem with cell phones because the majority of the people using them WANT you to know they are using them and WANT you to hear all about their lives and WANT you to ask them questions when or if they ever get off the phone. Do I really care what the cell user is having for supper when they are yelling about it in the middle of the dairy case at the grocery store? Or in restaurants? Or movie theaters? Or libraries? Or doctor's offices? Or any other public place? No, I don't really care about the mundane details of someone's life. I barely care about my own, let alone expecting anyone else to care about them. And don't even get me started on cell phone use while driving. That is a whole new level of irritation that is not only rude, but careless, reckless, stupid, and selfish. Hang up and pay attention to what you are hurtling down the road!
I'm saddened by the loss of phone manners because there used to be a time when personal contact was more important than technology. And we as society have accepted this change without a whimper of protest that we have now lost something that was essential to human understanding. Face to face conversation, and when we couldn't do that, a phone call. A very special something in your life that said, hey, look I'm calling you. I'm paying attention to you. But now, all of that has been taken away. Texting has replaced actual conversation, phone calls are public events to be shared, and quite frankly, what is going on in your life right now is nowhere near as important as telling someone that you are bored in class and want to leave. Blah, blah, blah.
I do believe that cell phones are important, and have used one on several occasions when I really needed help, or really needed a bit of information, or needed directions. But, for the most part, my phone is off during class, work, movies, going out to dinner, when I'm with friends, gatherings, at home, and, well, most of the time. I don't give out my cell number unless I really have too, and my friends know not to call me on it because I usually don't answer because it is turned off. I'm in control of my life, not my phone. I really don't need to be accessible 24/7, nor am I that important to think that I am. It's too late to teach people about manners and cell phone usage, that Genie is long gone. But what I would hope that would happen is that more people will stand up to rude cell phone behavior and maybe, just maybe, we can get back to the priority at the moment.
Think about this, would you turn to another person and start a conversation when someone you are already talking with is still telling you something? That would be rude, wouldn't it?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Driving pet peeves, part two...
As I've posted before, I do a fair amount of driving in my daily life. Mostly freeway driving, but still, a fair amount. Because of all that driving, I have the opportunity to see all types of drivers, vehicles, pedestrians, and road conditions. And, as I stated in my first posting about driving pet peeves, this is my blog and if someone reading this has a problem with what I'm writing, get your own blog.
I want to start with potholes. They are a fact of life in Wisconsin, and I give credit to the crews that work hard to keep them filled in. However, the City of Milwaukee seems to excel at not filling them in. And, they waste money on senseless projects that could easily be forgotten and use that money instead to build the roads back up to level. Two weeks ago as I was driving west on Capitol drive, lanes were closed off for what I at first thought was road repair, but was for island clean-out. A crew of five people were doing flower bed maintenance. Raking, cutting dead plants down, mulching, etc. Meanwhile, I bounced out of a pot hole so big that my car bottom scraped the edge of the hole. Why is that crew not FILLING IN THE POT HOLES? I don't give a rodent's buttocks about the island flower beds. As far as I'm concerned, pave the stupid islands over and FIX THE POT HOLES! How much money is wasted on employees, equipments, supplies, water, and electricity for something that no one really cares about? When was the last time you even THOUGHT about the flowers in the island dividers? And, there were three teams fixing these islands along the way of my drive back to interstate 43. What a colossal waste of taxpayer money.
My next gripe is with motorcyclists and bicyclists. This time of year brings warnings from every media outlet that (usually "cage" or four wheelers) drivers should be on the look-out for these individuals. I come back to the same thought every single time. Shouldn't EVERY driver, no matter the vehicle, be on the look-out for things they could hit? As with everything that relates to humans in life, there is a broad range of good to bad. But, for some reason, we are expected to accept that ANYONE who rides a two-wheeler as the PERFECT embodiment of road safety and perfection. That somehow the cyclist is NEVER at fault, and that they can do no wrong. That this romanticized notion of the cyclist is somehow above the law. Two years ago as I was driving to work in the summer, there was a traffic jam on south 43 that had both lanes of traffic stopped. As I waited for the traffic to start moving again, I heard a motorcycle moving. And sure enough, I looked in my driver's side mirror and lo and behold here is Mr. I-can-do-no-wrong motorcyclist driving BETWEEN the two lanes of cars. Right on the dotted line. I have seen this several times since then, and it absolutely infuriates me because all that needs to happen is for someone to decide they are going to switch lanes and butt their car out and Mr. Motorcyclist is history and the car driver is at fault.
I have also observed on several occasions young kids on sport bikes going incredible speeds on the freeways. They weave in and out of traffic and have absolutely no regard for traffic laws, safety, or anyone's lives, including their own. And what makes it really exciting is when a car driver makes a lane switch and because these cycle-jerks are going so fast ends up accidentally cutting one of them off. And yet, it's the "cage" drivers who are expected to be the only ones responsible for road safety.
I work across the street from UW-Milwaukee, and this last Tuesday when I was making a right turn onto Oakland ave, a bicyclist came rolling along on my LEFT side, cut in-between me and the driver in front of me, scooted along the curb and then crossed the street in the crosswalk while riding his bike. Traffic was stopped for the red light, but when the bike person cut in front of my car, I had just tapped the accelerator to start moving forward before making my right turn as the light had just turned green. I blared the horn at him, but all he did was turn and smile and wave at me. I really want to know when in our society the rules stopped being applied to everyone? As a side note, I'm really tired of pedestrians taking advantage of the crosswalk rules. While I was trying to avoid bike boy, there was a group of kids who were jumping back and forth between the cross walk and the curb. What this effectively did was make the drivers who were going straight slam on their brakes and the ones who were trying to turn right, not. And these are the kids who will be running the country in a few years. The best they can do is play "red-light, green-light" with traffic? They would jump back to the curb, laugh, and when the cars started moving again, jump into the crosswalk and make the cars stop. Infuriated doesn't even begin to describe my level of road rage at that point. It took me two light cycles to get through that intersection. I was already late for my class as I was leaving work late to drive to school, yet these yahoos had the law on their side and knew that the car drivers couldn't do anything about them being in the crosswalk. Once they did start to cross the street, they STOPPED half-way through the intersection to tear-around and have a chat. Just stood there laughing. Future leaders of America....
My last peeve of this blog is parking lots. Why do the traffic rules not apply in parking lots? Drivers that cut across the lanes, parking areas, and cut other drivers off so they can get ahead by one second are never in short supply. A parking lot is not a free for all! Rules still apply there. And, put your carts in the cart returns or I'll send my husband after you....
I want to start with potholes. They are a fact of life in Wisconsin, and I give credit to the crews that work hard to keep them filled in. However, the City of Milwaukee seems to excel at not filling them in. And, they waste money on senseless projects that could easily be forgotten and use that money instead to build the roads back up to level. Two weeks ago as I was driving west on Capitol drive, lanes were closed off for what I at first thought was road repair, but was for island clean-out. A crew of five people were doing flower bed maintenance. Raking, cutting dead plants down, mulching, etc. Meanwhile, I bounced out of a pot hole so big that my car bottom scraped the edge of the hole. Why is that crew not FILLING IN THE POT HOLES? I don't give a rodent's buttocks about the island flower beds. As far as I'm concerned, pave the stupid islands over and FIX THE POT HOLES! How much money is wasted on employees, equipments, supplies, water, and electricity for something that no one really cares about? When was the last time you even THOUGHT about the flowers in the island dividers? And, there were three teams fixing these islands along the way of my drive back to interstate 43. What a colossal waste of taxpayer money.
My next gripe is with motorcyclists and bicyclists. This time of year brings warnings from every media outlet that (usually "cage" or four wheelers) drivers should be on the look-out for these individuals. I come back to the same thought every single time. Shouldn't EVERY driver, no matter the vehicle, be on the look-out for things they could hit? As with everything that relates to humans in life, there is a broad range of good to bad. But, for some reason, we are expected to accept that ANYONE who rides a two-wheeler as the PERFECT embodiment of road safety and perfection. That somehow the cyclist is NEVER at fault, and that they can do no wrong. That this romanticized notion of the cyclist is somehow above the law. Two years ago as I was driving to work in the summer, there was a traffic jam on south 43 that had both lanes of traffic stopped. As I waited for the traffic to start moving again, I heard a motorcycle moving. And sure enough, I looked in my driver's side mirror and lo and behold here is Mr. I-can-do-no-wrong motorcyclist driving BETWEEN the two lanes of cars. Right on the dotted line. I have seen this several times since then, and it absolutely infuriates me because all that needs to happen is for someone to decide they are going to switch lanes and butt their car out and Mr. Motorcyclist is history and the car driver is at fault.
I have also observed on several occasions young kids on sport bikes going incredible speeds on the freeways. They weave in and out of traffic and have absolutely no regard for traffic laws, safety, or anyone's lives, including their own. And what makes it really exciting is when a car driver makes a lane switch and because these cycle-jerks are going so fast ends up accidentally cutting one of them off. And yet, it's the "cage" drivers who are expected to be the only ones responsible for road safety.
I work across the street from UW-Milwaukee, and this last Tuesday when I was making a right turn onto Oakland ave, a bicyclist came rolling along on my LEFT side, cut in-between me and the driver in front of me, scooted along the curb and then crossed the street in the crosswalk while riding his bike. Traffic was stopped for the red light, but when the bike person cut in front of my car, I had just tapped the accelerator to start moving forward before making my right turn as the light had just turned green. I blared the horn at him, but all he did was turn and smile and wave at me. I really want to know when in our society the rules stopped being applied to everyone? As a side note, I'm really tired of pedestrians taking advantage of the crosswalk rules. While I was trying to avoid bike boy, there was a group of kids who were jumping back and forth between the cross walk and the curb. What this effectively did was make the drivers who were going straight slam on their brakes and the ones who were trying to turn right, not. And these are the kids who will be running the country in a few years. The best they can do is play "red-light, green-light" with traffic? They would jump back to the curb, laugh, and when the cars started moving again, jump into the crosswalk and make the cars stop. Infuriated doesn't even begin to describe my level of road rage at that point. It took me two light cycles to get through that intersection. I was already late for my class as I was leaving work late to drive to school, yet these yahoos had the law on their side and knew that the car drivers couldn't do anything about them being in the crosswalk. Once they did start to cross the street, they STOPPED half-way through the intersection to tear-around and have a chat. Just stood there laughing. Future leaders of America....
My last peeve of this blog is parking lots. Why do the traffic rules not apply in parking lots? Drivers that cut across the lanes, parking areas, and cut other drivers off so they can get ahead by one second are never in short supply. A parking lot is not a free for all! Rules still apply there. And, put your carts in the cart returns or I'll send my husband after you....
Saturday, April 11, 2009
I joined Facebook several weeks ago, and I have 12 friends now. I'm not sure how I feel about Facebook and the whole exposing every detail of my life, but it is kind of fun. I keep finding people who are on there that I know, and how the typical reaction goes:
Friend or Me: "Wow! You're on Facebook? Will you be my friend?" (Shades of Mr. Rogers there..) As if you are not friends before, you some how have to prove you have friends.
And then the general ensuing of hand expressions and disbelief that either one of us is on Facebook. I was sucked into it from Natalie, who had sent out invites to me a couple of times. I finally gave in to curiosity and joined. I wanted to see what all the hoopla was about. It is fun, and I find myself wasting more than a few minutes on it sometimes. It's also fun to see the different sides of people you think you know. This got me thinking to how we choose to present our public selves to the world around us and how the shield of Facebook sometimes makes it a little too easy to reveal ourselves. And, to be fair, Facebook is not any different from any other blog or personal webpage on the internet. It's the safety of being able to post something on the web, and not having to "face" the other person or persons reading or, in the case of my blog, not reading what you've just laid out for the world to examine. Forever. I find it ironic that people will cry foul and bemoan the loss of privacy one minute and then post something on the web the next. Of course, you choose the information you want out there, but sometimes people can't, won't, or don't know that they should filter ideas before posting.
Several weeks ago, there were stories on the local newscasts about teenagers using their mobile devices and computers to do something called "sexting". Sending explicit messages or pictures of themselves to other people they may or may not know. The story had warnings about not doing this, and telling parents they need to have a talk with their teens about why this isn't a good idea. Now, I realize that when I was a teen, cells were probably only being used by the military, were 100lbs, and cost a small fortune, but it never occured to me or my friends to exchange explicit messages or pictures of ourselves with each other or people we didn't know. Seems like a no-brainer when you take the electronic aspect out of it. The personal interaction required to do so stops you in your tracks. I guess the absence of digital photography and mobile devices probably helped with that , but my point is, just because we have the technology now doesn't mean that some things in life should change. It is (or should be) understood that you just don't do certain things. My parents never had to say to me that you shouldn't send these messages and images to other people.
I'm not a parent, but I have a hard time imagining myself saying to my teens, "you know you aren't supposed to send naked pictures of yourself to friends and strangers, right? You probably shouldn't post them on your webpage and Facebook pages either, right?" Isn't this a foregone conclusion? Why do the digital devices used for such purposes allow someone to drop all sense of inhibition? Or, in a not so extreme example, let people post things they would never say to another face to face? Just because someone may never meet the person they are commenting on in the real world, doesn't mean they should call them vile names or be hurtful. I stay away from chat groups and forums, but my husband has several for HD and home theater that he participates in. The moderators don't always remove posts quickly, and I'm often surprised at the venom exchanged between posters. What are the chances they would act like that if they had the person right in front of them?
While I still have fun with Facebook, and love to find new friends, I can't help but feel it is a bit "stalkerish" when they want me to divulge my address book under the pretense of finding more friends for me. Or that I should just start putting in names of people I know and see if they turn up. If they wanted to be friends with me, or have contact with me, wouldn't they just contact me? I won't be allowing access to my address book, as I just don't think it is any of Facebook's business knowing who all of my contacts are. But, I'm guessing there are a lot of people who don't think twice about that.
So, if you want to be my friend, look me up. Or just talk to me. Either way, you'll get the same person whether in real life or cyberlife.
P.S. On a completely unrelated note, what happened to the term cyber-space?
Friend or Me: "Wow! You're on Facebook? Will you be my friend?" (Shades of Mr. Rogers there..) As if you are not friends before, you some how have to prove you have friends.
And then the general ensuing of hand expressions and disbelief that either one of us is on Facebook. I was sucked into it from Natalie, who had sent out invites to me a couple of times. I finally gave in to curiosity and joined. I wanted to see what all the hoopla was about. It is fun, and I find myself wasting more than a few minutes on it sometimes. It's also fun to see the different sides of people you think you know. This got me thinking to how we choose to present our public selves to the world around us and how the shield of Facebook sometimes makes it a little too easy to reveal ourselves. And, to be fair, Facebook is not any different from any other blog or personal webpage on the internet. It's the safety of being able to post something on the web, and not having to "face" the other person or persons reading or, in the case of my blog, not reading what you've just laid out for the world to examine. Forever. I find it ironic that people will cry foul and bemoan the loss of privacy one minute and then post something on the web the next. Of course, you choose the information you want out there, but sometimes people can't, won't, or don't know that they should filter ideas before posting.
Several weeks ago, there were stories on the local newscasts about teenagers using their mobile devices and computers to do something called "sexting". Sending explicit messages or pictures of themselves to other people they may or may not know. The story had warnings about not doing this, and telling parents they need to have a talk with their teens about why this isn't a good idea. Now, I realize that when I was a teen, cells were probably only being used by the military, were 100lbs, and cost a small fortune, but it never occured to me or my friends to exchange explicit messages or pictures of ourselves with each other or people we didn't know. Seems like a no-brainer when you take the electronic aspect out of it. The personal interaction required to do so stops you in your tracks. I guess the absence of digital photography and mobile devices probably helped with that , but my point is, just because we have the technology now doesn't mean that some things in life should change. It is (or should be) understood that you just don't do certain things. My parents never had to say to me that you shouldn't send these messages and images to other people.
I'm not a parent, but I have a hard time imagining myself saying to my teens, "you know you aren't supposed to send naked pictures of yourself to friends and strangers, right? You probably shouldn't post them on your webpage and Facebook pages either, right?" Isn't this a foregone conclusion? Why do the digital devices used for such purposes allow someone to drop all sense of inhibition? Or, in a not so extreme example, let people post things they would never say to another face to face? Just because someone may never meet the person they are commenting on in the real world, doesn't mean they should call them vile names or be hurtful. I stay away from chat groups and forums, but my husband has several for HD and home theater that he participates in. The moderators don't always remove posts quickly, and I'm often surprised at the venom exchanged between posters. What are the chances they would act like that if they had the person right in front of them?
While I still have fun with Facebook, and love to find new friends, I can't help but feel it is a bit "stalkerish" when they want me to divulge my address book under the pretense of finding more friends for me. Or that I should just start putting in names of people I know and see if they turn up. If they wanted to be friends with me, or have contact with me, wouldn't they just contact me? I won't be allowing access to my address book, as I just don't think it is any of Facebook's business knowing who all of my contacts are. But, I'm guessing there are a lot of people who don't think twice about that.
So, if you want to be my friend, look me up. Or just talk to me. Either way, you'll get the same person whether in real life or cyberlife.
P.S. On a completely unrelated note, what happened to the term cyber-space?
Friday, March 13, 2009
Along with the rest of the country, my husband and I have watched our stocks (in a local bank), our 403b and 401k tank. I keep trying to be positive and think that they will recover and as all things cyclical, they will. But, our country has never been through this bad of an economic downturn before, and I keep wondering if my financial assets really will come back to their previous levels and if they will go beyond that. Both my husband and myself had parents that grew up during the depression. When I was a child, my maternal grandmother had a basement full of home canned goods, and was almost fanatical about growing a very large garden every year and making sure she had food for the upcoming year. A child of the 1970's and a teenager of the 1980's, I really did not understand my grandmother at all. Even though my parents didn't have much money, I never went without food (hamburger gravy...YUCK!), shelter, or clothing (even if it was second-hand). For my grandmother, however, it was a different story and being poor at the begining of the depression, and then surviving the depression with two small children and a husband to take care of is unfathomable for me. My mother would often mention stories of living in a chicken coop while they tried to build the farmhouse that I was familiar with, but like all kids just assumed their parents were exaggerating a little. Now, I'm not so sure.
My grandmother passed away April 1, 1986 at the age of 78, and up until her death, she continued to raise that garden every year. She started seeds in the basement even before all the snow was gone in the yard. She had a huge fenced in area that was once the part of the horse pasture, and had a permit from the DNR to shoot the woodchucks that tried to consume the efforts of her hard work. As one of her four grandchildren, I was put to work weeding and tending that garden when I would stay with her for a few weeks in the summer. I hated it. To this day, I can remember whining about it, doing a half-hearted job, and consuming all the ripe strawberries when she wasn't looking. I'm sure she knew, but never said anything. She grew everything from fruits to nuts. And then, the canning would begin. If I thought the weeding was bad, canning was worse. Hours and hours of prepping the food, the jars, the lids, the mashers, sieves, and spices. Hot, sweaty, weary, and sick of smelling vinegar and cooked food. Still, it never once sunk in to my self-centered kid brain that for grandma, this wasn't a hobby. This was her survival. This was how she survived the roughest economic time in America's history.
Now, close to 23 years after her death, our country is facing far worse economically than what my grandmother went through, but I still don't feel the need to start growing a garden. But, that isn't because the lesson of my grandmother's struggle was completely lost to me. At some point, her tendencies to, oh, let's say, stock-up and grow her own food, was replaced with I'll buy extra when on sale and stock up that way. She understood that the only person she should really rely on was herself. There was no need in her eyes for the government or the taxpayers to solve her financial woes. I am always amazed at folks who do not take advantage of sales or are not willing to buy an off brand to save money. Or even worse, just walk into a store and buy items higgly-piggly with no regard to price, name-brand, sale, or quantity. I'm continually floored when I see other people's shopping carts in stores filled with very expensive items that are really nothing but packaging and no substance. Or have non-essential items like alcohol or cigarettes. Yet, these are the same people who cry that they cannot feed a family on $100 a week, and that's true when you buy nothing but non-sale brand-name items that are more convenience than substance.
I also can't help but compare my grandmother's take-care-of-herself-spirit with all the folks clamoring for hand-outs, buy-outs, help-outs, bail-outs, and the flat-out gimmes. Many of whom got themselves into these predicaments of needing taxpayer money because they were selfish, greedy, and self-centered. Not all are, and to help the folks who TRULY need it I'm glad to do it. But, they are such a small minority that it wouldn't even register on the evening news in any other time but the gimme, gimme, gimme time we are in now.
I'm angry because my husband and I did everything right. We kept full-time jobs and steadily built our lives up the way we were taught you should do it. Rent until you can afford the house, buy a house within your means, eventually you'll sell that house and buy a bigger one, pay off that mortgage, and save for your retirement with a 401k and a 403b. We did EVERYTHING we were supposed to, paid our mortgage off four years early because we put extra money to the principal every month and still put money away for retirement. We don't carry credit card debt and bought our last two cars with cash. Oh, and those two cars? Normal cars that get good gas mileage and not the giant honking SUV's that cost more than both of them together. So why, then, are we now watching all of our hard work evaporate AND not only have our savings gone but have to bail-out dead-beats who just spent, and spent, and spent and never ONCE thought that this would come back to bite them in the ass?
Yeah, I'm angry. And, if I have to start growing a garden so I can have food in the coming year, I will be cursing every dead-beat to eating hamburger gravy forever for every seed I have to put in the ground. But, it will be my ground, paid for with my money, not taxpayer money, and unlike most of the dead-beats I'll be bailing out who won't even think twice about where that money is coming from, I will still be thankful that I did things the right way and know that my grandmother and parents would be very proud of me.
My grandmother passed away April 1, 1986 at the age of 78, and up until her death, she continued to raise that garden every year. She started seeds in the basement even before all the snow was gone in the yard. She had a huge fenced in area that was once the part of the horse pasture, and had a permit from the DNR to shoot the woodchucks that tried to consume the efforts of her hard work. As one of her four grandchildren, I was put to work weeding and tending that garden when I would stay with her for a few weeks in the summer. I hated it. To this day, I can remember whining about it, doing a half-hearted job, and consuming all the ripe strawberries when she wasn't looking. I'm sure she knew, but never said anything. She grew everything from fruits to nuts. And then, the canning would begin. If I thought the weeding was bad, canning was worse. Hours and hours of prepping the food, the jars, the lids, the mashers, sieves, and spices. Hot, sweaty, weary, and sick of smelling vinegar and cooked food. Still, it never once sunk in to my self-centered kid brain that for grandma, this wasn't a hobby. This was her survival. This was how she survived the roughest economic time in America's history.
Now, close to 23 years after her death, our country is facing far worse economically than what my grandmother went through, but I still don't feel the need to start growing a garden. But, that isn't because the lesson of my grandmother's struggle was completely lost to me. At some point, her tendencies to, oh, let's say, stock-up and grow her own food, was replaced with I'll buy extra when on sale and stock up that way. She understood that the only person she should really rely on was herself. There was no need in her eyes for the government or the taxpayers to solve her financial woes. I am always amazed at folks who do not take advantage of sales or are not willing to buy an off brand to save money. Or even worse, just walk into a store and buy items higgly-piggly with no regard to price, name-brand, sale, or quantity. I'm continually floored when I see other people's shopping carts in stores filled with very expensive items that are really nothing but packaging and no substance. Or have non-essential items like alcohol or cigarettes. Yet, these are the same people who cry that they cannot feed a family on $100 a week, and that's true when you buy nothing but non-sale brand-name items that are more convenience than substance.
I also can't help but compare my grandmother's take-care-of-herself-spirit with all the folks clamoring for hand-outs, buy-outs, help-outs, bail-outs, and the flat-out gimmes. Many of whom got themselves into these predicaments of needing taxpayer money because they were selfish, greedy, and self-centered. Not all are, and to help the folks who TRULY need it I'm glad to do it. But, they are such a small minority that it wouldn't even register on the evening news in any other time but the gimme, gimme, gimme time we are in now.
I'm angry because my husband and I did everything right. We kept full-time jobs and steadily built our lives up the way we were taught you should do it. Rent until you can afford the house, buy a house within your means, eventually you'll sell that house and buy a bigger one, pay off that mortgage, and save for your retirement with a 401k and a 403b. We did EVERYTHING we were supposed to, paid our mortgage off four years early because we put extra money to the principal every month and still put money away for retirement. We don't carry credit card debt and bought our last two cars with cash. Oh, and those two cars? Normal cars that get good gas mileage and not the giant honking SUV's that cost more than both of them together. So why, then, are we now watching all of our hard work evaporate AND not only have our savings gone but have to bail-out dead-beats who just spent, and spent, and spent and never ONCE thought that this would come back to bite them in the ass?
Yeah, I'm angry. And, if I have to start growing a garden so I can have food in the coming year, I will be cursing every dead-beat to eating hamburger gravy forever for every seed I have to put in the ground. But, it will be my ground, paid for with my money, not taxpayer money, and unlike most of the dead-beats I'll be bailing out who won't even think twice about where that money is coming from, I will still be thankful that I did things the right way and know that my grandmother and parents would be very proud of me.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Migraines
I suffer from migraine headaches. I've had them since I was a young girl, my sister suffers from them and my mother also had them. This past weekend, (Feb. 28th) I woke up at 3am with a pain so intense on the right side of my head it felt like someone was shoving a flaming hot saber through my eye and up and out the back of my head. I would have confessed to anything to stop that pain. I even denied it when I first woke, telling my husband, "My head is killing me, but I don't think it is a migraine." I hate migraines and usually try to deny they are happening when they do strike. They are a whole body experience for me, the pain, nausea, sound and light aversion, tactile over-stimulation, and the pain. Yes, I know I mentioned that twice. I always laugh at the migraine commericals that show a person up and at whatever activity they were doing an hour before they took the medicine that eliminates their symptoms.
It doesn't really work that way.
I have both over-the-counter and prescription medicines to try to prevent them and to treat them when they do strike. For some reason my daily Rx meds are not doing too well as I'm two for two in 2009. I had one January 1st (that's a good way to start off a new year) and then this one yesterday. The Rx med I took to actively treat one did work for me, but not until I slept for several hours and took an OTC med with it that has aspirin, caffeine, and acetaminophen in it. I had to take several more doses of that yesterday too. So, no, after an hour I wasn't "up and at 'em" like the TV commercials.
My point in divulging all my migraine history is that in the past, I have heard mention (from non-migraine sufferers) that these headaches are just exaggerated from the people claiming to suffer from them. That we are somehow trying to get attention, or that we want a day off of work, or that they really aren't that bad, and if you watch the TV commercials, they aren't. The active mom just pops her OTC or Rx meds and the next thing you know she's running around in the yard with the kids! Nothing could be further from the truth. Maybe I don't have the right meds, but just trying not to throw the pills up is a major milestone in the course of a migraine for me. Running? Cognitive thinking? No, that's not going to happen for many hours yet.
Sometimes I get a visual aura before the major symptoms hit. It's like looking through a kaleidoscope of broken crystal that shimmers like sunlight on water. I know that most people who suffer from aura have different types of it, but mine starts on one side of my visual field and progresses toward the other side, blocking my vision for as long as an hour. Whether I close my eyes or not, it's the same sight. I've come to think that it's my brain trying to figure out why it's being assaulted by its own blood vessels and trying to fight back. Yeah, yeah, corny, I know. What it is anyway, is an early warning for me to take something RIGHT NOW, because what's coming is going to be hell if I don't. However, if the aura occurs in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping, I can't do anything about it until I wake up feeling like I'm being stabbed in the head.
So, if you are reading this and happen to be one of the people who thinks that migraine sufferers are just exaggerating their headaches, you are wrong. Just plain wrong and despite what the TV would have you believe, we won't be up and running a few minutes after taking whatever product is being hawked on the screen. Unless we are running for the bathroom and hoping the pain of throwing up won't send us into a seizure.
It doesn't really work that way.
I have both over-the-counter and prescription medicines to try to prevent them and to treat them when they do strike. For some reason my daily Rx meds are not doing too well as I'm two for two in 2009. I had one January 1st (that's a good way to start off a new year) and then this one yesterday. The Rx med I took to actively treat one did work for me, but not until I slept for several hours and took an OTC med with it that has aspirin, caffeine, and acetaminophen in it. I had to take several more doses of that yesterday too. So, no, after an hour I wasn't "up and at 'em" like the TV commercials.
My point in divulging all my migraine history is that in the past, I have heard mention (from non-migraine sufferers) that these headaches are just exaggerated from the people claiming to suffer from them. That we are somehow trying to get attention, or that we want a day off of work, or that they really aren't that bad, and if you watch the TV commercials, they aren't. The active mom just pops her OTC or Rx meds and the next thing you know she's running around in the yard with the kids! Nothing could be further from the truth. Maybe I don't have the right meds, but just trying not to throw the pills up is a major milestone in the course of a migraine for me. Running? Cognitive thinking? No, that's not going to happen for many hours yet.
Sometimes I get a visual aura before the major symptoms hit. It's like looking through a kaleidoscope of broken crystal that shimmers like sunlight on water. I know that most people who suffer from aura have different types of it, but mine starts on one side of my visual field and progresses toward the other side, blocking my vision for as long as an hour. Whether I close my eyes or not, it's the same sight. I've come to think that it's my brain trying to figure out why it's being assaulted by its own blood vessels and trying to fight back. Yeah, yeah, corny, I know. What it is anyway, is an early warning for me to take something RIGHT NOW, because what's coming is going to be hell if I don't. However, if the aura occurs in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping, I can't do anything about it until I wake up feeling like I'm being stabbed in the head.
So, if you are reading this and happen to be one of the people who thinks that migraine sufferers are just exaggerating their headaches, you are wrong. Just plain wrong and despite what the TV would have you believe, we won't be up and running a few minutes after taking whatever product is being hawked on the screen. Unless we are running for the bathroom and hoping the pain of throwing up won't send us into a seizure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)